Cook with Confidence with Laney Schwartz

Anyone else feel like they're failing their family in the kitchen?

Thankfully, Laney is here to take the weight off our shoulders!

Laney Schwartz is an everyday mom, founder, and creator behind the food blog Life Is But A Dish.  She is on a mission to help busy home cooks across the world gain confidence in the kitchen, create simple and delicious meals, and cook without being tied to a recipe. 

IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...

• Why you're not alone if you feel overwhelmed or inadequate in the kitchen
• Ways to get out of a rut
• What to do when you're super low on time

DON'T MISS-

• Her down-to-earth journey into entrepreneurship
• The one thing she recommends every single home cook start with to take the stress out of their kitchen!

// CONNECT WITH LANEY SCHWARTZ//
Website:  https://www.lifeisbutadish.com/
IG: @lifeisbutadish
Cook with Confidence Program- https://www.lifeisbutadish.com/failingmotherhood
Code MOTHERHOOD for $100 off!

I believe in you & I'm cheering you on.
Come say hi!  I'm @parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.

Transcript

Laney Schwartz: 0:00

I don't know how to do this. This is too overwhelming. This is too hard. We're ordering pizza and calling it a day. And day after day after day of those sorts of patterns I think start to make moms feel bad about themselves because there is also so much pressure to you know, eat healthy, eat clean and you know, not feed your kids chicken nuggets and not order takeout and not do the drive thru. And there's a lot of pressure on just from society and it to be the perfect mom.

Danielle Bettmann: 0:35

Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood I mean? Have too much anxiety....Not enough patience. Too much yellin...not enough play. There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right. But this is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you. You feel like you're screwing everything up. And you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud.... This podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann. And each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real. Sharing her insecurities, her fears, your failures and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you, you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough and you're not alone. I hope you pop in your buds somehow sneak away and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend. We're so glad you're here. Hey, it's Danielle. I don't know about you. But I missed the boat on learning how to make simple meals every night. I have like no skills. My reputation is throwing cake pops at the wall and burning my forearm on the oven taking frozen pizza out of it. Nearly every time I've tried, I've felt like I've failed in the kitchen. So when I found Laney I knew I had to have her on Failing Motherhood to talk about all things cooking. Laney Schwartz is an everyday mom, founder and creator behind the food blog, "Life is but a Dish" and a girl who's obsessed with food. Born and raised in Maryland, Laney now lives in LA with her two daughters Zoey and Ava, her husband Zach and her dog Lou, who you may hear prancing around dancing on her hardwood floor a little bit during this episode, but it's fine. Laney is on a mission to help busy home cooks across the world gain confidence in the kitchen, create simple and delicious meals and cook without being tied to a recipe. After seven plus years of blogging Laney has over 600 reliable recipes on her website, all using simple everyday ingredients. Laney created a program called Cook with Confidence to help the overwhelmed and anxious home cook (That's me) learn how to build foundational cooking skills for life. She has successfully moved over 200 students through the program changing people's relationships with their kitchen. In today's episode, she starts off by sharing a bit about her journey of entrepreneurship, which I feel like is always so inspiring if you've ever considered it but are intimidated by the idea of doing something on your own. Then we discuss all the ways parents, especially moms, feel like they're failing in the kitchen. And she shares super simple advice that will physically take weight off your shoulders. She shares ways to get out of a rut, what to do when you're super low on time. And the one thing she recommends every single home chef starts to do to take stress out of their kitchen. I love talking to Laney because she had such a warm down to earth relatable advice to share and truly makes you feel like you're not behind. You're not dumb. You haven't missed the boat. And no question is a dumb question. I hope after this episode, you find one baby step towards more confidence in your kitchen. So let's dive into my conversation with Laney. Welcome to Failing Motherhood. My name is Danielle Bettmann and on today's episode, I'm joined by Laney Schwartz. Hey Laney, how are you?

Laney Schwartz: 4:25

I'm good. How are you? Thanks for having me.

Danielle Bettmann: 4:28

Good. No, thanks for taking the time. I am so excited to talk about this topic because I am like your ideal customer. I need what you have. So we are gonna have a great conversation. So I already shared your bio. But before we dive in to like all the important questions, go ahead and just introduce yourself to my listeners. Who are you and who's in your family?

Laney Schwartz: 4:49

Yeah, so I am Laney Schwartz. I am the creator and founder of the food blog"Life Is But A Dish". I've been doing this for about eight years now and it started. I was a elementary school Teacher prior to my food blogging days, so teaching is really my first passion. And when I became a mom and decided to leave the classroom and stay home, I discovered food blogging as a career, I was already cooking and loving it. And I decided that I wanted to give it a try. And that's what I've been doing for the last eight years or so. I live in Los Angeles with my two girls who are eight and 10. My husband and my puppy.

Danielle Bettmann: 5:25

Oh, awesome. My girls are 8 and 9. There you go. Yeah, so very similar. Ages are super fun. Ages. Yes. It's a great age. They feel like they're pretty low maintenance. Yeah, more independence. Still pretty...we can be around each other. Absolutely. Yes. That's awesome. Okay, so what did early motherhood look like for you? And where did this whole idea of like the food blog come from? Because I know your mission is to help busy home cooks across the world, gain confidence in the kitchen, and create simple and delicious meals and cook without a recipe. So what was the backstory that got you to there?

Laney Schwartz: 6:07

Yeah, so again, I was a teacher. And when I had my first daughter, I was deciding if I was going to, you know, basically would cost me the same amount of money to hire help for her or to send her somewhere than I was making in the classroom. And so I decided to stay home with her at the time. And early motherhood, for me, at least with my first was, I mean, with both, but with my first was a challenge, I had a really hard time, you know, you think you know what to expect. And you really don't, even when you know, you don't know what it feels like in your body. I had a really hard time breastfeeding. And I just I didn't know that that was going to be a challenge. And so it was rough for me in the beginning. And it really wasn't until my second daughter was born, that I could even think about, you know, doing something else just because I was all consumed with just being a mom. And so when my second daughter was born, that was really when I was deciding, am I going to go back to teaching? What am I going to do? And I again, I was cooking already, I was taking pictures of my food, randomly posting them on Facebook for no good reason. And I just discovered food blogs, like I just would look online for ideas for dinner. And I thought, wow, these people are taking pictures of their food, writing recipes and putting it on a website. And that's her job. Like that's a job and I couldn't believe it. And I thought not only do I want to do that, but I can do that. Like why can I do that. And I just kind of this was like, coming up about eight years ago, actually was probably about nine years ago when I really started to think about it. And it was very different right there. Like Instagram was just you post the picture. And that was it, you walk away, there was no video, there was no stories, there was Pinterest...

Danielle Bettmann: 7:51

Much simpler days.

Laney Schwartz: 7:53

Much simpler. So again, I think if you're starting out now you kind of look at the landscape. And it's like, okay, why can't like you can do this. But there's so much to do, it was much simpler back then. And so I just started, I just kind of decided that I'm going to try this and commit to it. And my again, I had a two year old and a six month old, but I don't know what happens to your brain where you think this is a good idea. There's never a good time, right? But I thought. you know what, I'm just, I'm gonna try this, I'm gonna commit to posting two new recipes a week, for a year. And that's basically my life, I posted two new recipes, I was a mom. And that's how I started.

Danielle Bettmann: 8:34

That's amazing. If a mom were to come across your website, or your Instagram, I'm sure it is so easy to be intimidated by where someone is now. And be like, Oh, wow, that you know, over 600 recipes. And you know, all of this glitz and glam like you have it all together, you know what you're doing. And it's so much harder to wrap your mind around someone's beginnings. And when it's just a dream, and it's just a small commitment that you're doing almost for just yourself. And so many moms I know are in that same position of like the childcare. It's not my thing. Yeah, you know, so like, what do we do instead? And I love just being able to kind of get that peek under the curtain for that what that journey looks like for you to kind of get started. So how did that go? Then take us through the next few years. Did it like take off and you're instantly famous?

Laney Schwartz: 9:30

No, absolutely not. That you know, comparing your journey to somebody's middle or somebody's I wouldn't say end but further along in their journey is a really tough thing to do and something that I know people do all the time. So when I started. First of all, I have no intention of ever being famous or ever being on I didn't know what a podcast was at the time. Like none of these things were even in my brain. My whole mission for writing recipes and putting these recipes out on the internet were simply just to share, and kind of shared the love, right, like cooking and cooking for people, for friends and family. That's how I show love. And I saw the joy that it brought not only to my family, but to other close family and friends. And I just wanted to share that with the world. And so it was messy, it was not perfect, and it's still not and I still don't know what I'm doing. And every single day is a challenge. And you just, you have to be willing to take messy action and just go, knowing that it will never be perfect. And knowing that as long as you know what gift you have to offer to help somebody else or to make somebody feel more confident or feel excited or to feel joy as long as that if you can stay in that safe focus on that mission. That's all you have to do. You can figure out the rest. Yeah, the rest just comes and it's messy and that you'll be crying a lot. We laughing a lot. And it's there. It's like, it's an emotional roller coaster. Like motherhood, oh, how to reset. I mean, really, it's, you know, entrepreneurship, it's up and down. And it's worth it. But it is hard. It is not easy. And it's not always fun. But it's worth it.

Danielle Bettmann: 11:18

Yes. I'm so glad you said that. Because that makes so much sense in my head. That's how I treat this relationship to my business as well. And I don't know about you, but I did not have an MBA, I did not know what I was signing up for was way more on the naive camp of things than apparently should have been. But it's fine. Because I have figured it out as I went. And it has been a roller coaster. But I hope that I mean, this isn't a business podcast. But I know that there are so many women that have gifts that they can share with the world. And they hold themselves back. So just being able to give that little bit of inspiration, I hope is a little bit life-giving to the person who needed to hear it. Yeah, for sure. Have you ever felt like you were failing motherhood?

Laney Schwartz: 12:01

Funny? Well, not funny. But I don't know that I've ever necessarily felt like I've failed at motherhood. I don't like to maybe use that term. But there's definitely areas where I feel like there's room for improvement. And where I could be better, you know, and yeah, I'm sure in my head. I'm like, I'm a failure. As a mom, I know that's not really true. And I think part of that mindset for myself is like from being a teacher when kids just saying like, Oh, like I'm a failure. And with this, and I'm so cognizant to just, you know, this, it's all learning. It's a big learning curve. And I just think it's so important to find people who can support you and be there for you and listen and just help to build each other up. Because if not, I think we're just constantly feeling like we're failing also, because we don't know what we're doing all the time, either. And there's no handbook, and there's no courses on how to be a mom. But to answer the question, yes. But also, it's okay. Yeah, that we felt that way.

Danielle Bettmann: 13:05

It's all about the meaning that you make from those moments. We all have the moments, but then what do you do with them? And how do you move forward? In your self concept of yourself? That is, I'm glad that you spoke to that. Because yeah, you'd ever want to stay there. And you never want to stamp that on yourself as like a sentence, right? It's much more of like a camaraderie in the community of having a deep desire to be a good mom and having those fears of, you know, what if I screw up my kids and having the evidence of Yeah, I screwed up, and I need to apologize. And that did not go well. I thought it was going to go more. I do not know what to do with this behavior. That is all places we find ourselves. And so no matter what experts I bring on, I always want to level with that realization, so that we can continue to encourage each other that we're the parents that our kids need. Yes. So thank you for sharing that honesty for sure. I have to ask you a question before we move on. Is it true that you've never had a cup of coffee?

Laney Schwartz: 14:09

It is true. It is true. I do not like the taste of coffee. I don't like the taste. I don't mind the smell. But I don't like coffee flavored things. A cup of coffee. does nothing for me like the sound of like going out for a cup of coffee or it's just not my thing. Okay, I like matcha though,

Danielle Bettmann: 14:31

what would you get at Starbucks?

Laney Schwartz: 14:33

If you had it? an iced matcha latte? Okay, but I don't It's not like I have it when I want it. But I don't need it to start my day.

Danielle Bettmann: 14:41

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's a whole nother episode.

Laney Schwartz: 14:47

leave that there. I've always been also like a little bit of because my parents both my parents are huge coffee drinkers and they are nonfunctioning until they have their coffee. And so I was always also known have us to kind of get to that point where you can't function without your coffee. I didn't want to get to that if I didn't have to. I don't know. So I just never did it. But also, it's not like I want to and I don't let myself it just doesn't interest me.

Danielle Bettmann: 15:14

Yeah, to each other. So let the record show There are moms that don't drink wine at night and coffee in the morning? Well, in the spirit of failing, what did you start to realize, as you were, you know, posting all these recipes and things that other moms or other parents or anyone else in their kitchen? Why do they struggle? What do they tend to come across? Where do they feel like they're quote, unquote, failing? When it comes to meals?

Laney Schwartz: 15:48

Think there's, how much time do you have? feeling like they're failing in the kitchen? Oh, it's a long list. I think there's a few things. Number one, we'll start with just walking into your kitchen, how it is. So I think there's a lot of moms, that everybody but moms specifically who that's who I've worked mostly with, who feel overwhelmed in their kitchen, even before they start cooking, so they walk in, everything's a mess, they have 10 different knives, they have a bunch of different pots and pans, they have spices that are overflowing that are expired, they don't use them, they have a pantry that's full of stuff, and a refrigerator that's full of produce, and they don't even know how to begin or where to start. So just the overwhelm. And then they kind of walk into that and they feel like I don't even know where to start. So then they just order takeout or do macaroni and cheese or end up making five different meals to please all of the children or the spouse. So that's one area, or they feel like okay, I'm going to try this recipe and they try it and they spend an hour an hour an hour and a half in the kitchen. And they're so proud of it. And they make it and nobody wants it. And so they feel like a failure. Or they try to make a recipe and they don't have this ingredient. And so they throw their hands up and they say okay, I don't know how to swap things. So I don't know how to do this. This is too overwhelming. This is too hard. We're ordering pizza and calling it a day and day after day after day of those sorts of patterns, I think start to make moms feel bad about themselves because there is also so much pressure to you know, eat healthy, eat clean, and you know, not feed your kids chicken nuggets and not order takeout and not do the drive thru. And there's a lot of pressure on just from society and in to be the perfect mom. And I am not here to tell you to not go to in and out and to not feed your kids macaroni and cheese, I do all of those things. And I think it's important that there is a balance. My goal is to make the norm feel, to encourage you and to make you feel comfortable in the kitchen and to give you the confidence to be able to feed your family a nourishing meal, if that's important to you, and if that's what you want. Because there's something really special about being able to make a simple meal with simple ingredients that tastes really good that everybody likes. It feels really damn good as a mom to you feel so accomplished to make a meal that didn't take you all day. That tastes good. Your family eats it and goes and they don't ask for cereal after they don't ask for something else. It feels really good. And my mission is to help people get to that place.

Danielle Bettmann: 18:38

Yeah, yes. I love the way that you worded that because yet you may not be in a season right now. Yeah, that that is even on your radar or a goal that you have. And that is totally fine. Yes. And when it's on your goal sheet, and when you have the time to kind of tackle that then that can be a really empowering thing to add to your toolkit is this skill set. And I will say I do not have that skill set.

Laney Schwartz: 19:08

And that's okay, too.

Danielle Bettmann: 19:09

I hit go and like, collected $200 Because I married a chef. Oh my gosh, amazing. You know, and so I'm spoiled on the daily he makes dinner at our house and we met in high school before he went to culinary school. And so I genuinely never learned my mom didn't know how to cook either. She didn't pass down any of the domestic goddess capabilities. And so here I am still very intimidated by the entire kitchen. I don't like cooking meat. I don't like anything that has big long scary list of ingredients or methods. I don't know what they look like. I have done baking I can make a mean banana bread. And I feel really good about making that on Saturday mornings, but that's about where it ends. I can totally relate to the visceral sense of anxiety of feeling inadequate, feeling like I genuinely don't know how to take this from start to finish in a way that is going to make it taste good or do the things that is supposed to do to make it not raw. Yeah. Yes. It's panic inducing.

Laney Schwartz: 20:23

Yeah. And that skill, right? It's not just about feeling good yourself and feeling I love you how you use the word inadequate. Like, that's such a great description of so many of the people I work with, they just feel inadequate in that area of their life. And it's yes, it is about filling yourself up and making yourself feel good and adequate. But it's also about teaching. Like you said, your mom didn't pass down any skills, not that you have to be a domestic goddess. But it would be nice if you could send your kids off into the world understanding how to cook something simple and easy when they're off in college or on their own, just life skills that we should all have. You don't have to be Top Chef, but I feel like everyone should know the basics when it comes to the kitchen. Hey,

Danielle Bettmann: 21:12

if you're new here, I'm Danielle. My company, Wholeheartedly, offers one on one and group coaching programs to help families with strong-willed kids aged one to seven, prevent tantrums, eliminate power struggles, extend their patience and get on the same page. It's kind of like finances, you can read lots of info about what a Roth IRA is and how the stock market works. But if you really want to get serious about paying down debt or growing your wealth, you go see a financial advisor who can give you very specific recommendations based on all the unique facets of your situation. I'm your financial advisor for parenting. And I've designed the way we work together to give you nothing less than a complete transformation. While we work together, I'm able to help you figure out why your child is losing their mind and why you are losing your mind and guide you to master effective long term solutions through three main focuses. Number one, my cultivating cooperation guide teaching you the tools of positive discipline. Number two, managing your mind by working through my triggers workbook. And number three, establishing your family's foundation by raising your family business plan. My coaching is comprehensive, practical, individualized and full of VIP support. So if you struggle to manage your child's big emotions, if you and your partner's arguments seem to center around parenting, especially if one of you is too kind and one of us too firm. If you struggle to stay calm and be the parent that you want to be, it's possible to stop feeling like a deer in headlights when a tantrum hits, effortlessly move through simple directions and care routines without an argument and go to bed replaying the way you handle the hardest moments and feel proud. If you have a deep desire to be the best parent you can be, and your family is your greatest investment. Find me on Instagram, send me a message that says SANITY. And I'll ask you a few questions to see if we'd be a good fit to work together. I can't wait to meet you back to the show. Absolutely. So as you've kind of like figured this out of how you can help. Are there any common myths or concepts or like assumptions that you'd like to debunk?

Laney Schwartz: 23:40

I think that the stores and the way that things are packaged and sold to you something it's a myth but people think they need to buy a block of 15 different knives or a set of 12 different knives. You need one knife, I mean up to three knives maximum in your kitchen but you don't need 12 different knives. I mean if you're maybe if you're a chef and you go to culinary school and you're going to deboning a fish and doing all those things fine. But the everyday home cook the busy mom you need a chef's knife that is correct size and that's comfortable in your hand that you can do everything with. And I think for a lot of people that is like I want to give people the feeling of freedom in the kitchen. So when I tell people that rather than looking for this whole set of knives I'm like you can just go get one knife doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg and you can do everything with it and you will feel so much better in the kitchen that is freeing for people. You also don't need a huge set of a million different pots and pans you can get a couple of different pots and pans and do most things with it. So I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a minimalist but when it comes to the kitchen, I really like to strip it down to the basics. You don't need a million spices you just don't need a million of anything. I feel like we're in a world of like more is more and I think really less is more when it comes to this, especially when you're learning, and it's overwhelming, there's so many choices. So I think there's not a lot of people out there who are really, you know, sharing, here's what you need to get started. They're kind of again showing their journey at the end. Here's all the different pots and pans I have. here's this, here's that. You don't need it. You can just, it's like a baby registry, right? Like, you don't need all the things on it. You just need some swaddles and some diapers and you're good to go. Yes. So really just learning and understanding the things that you need to get started. can get you very far in the kitchen.

Danielle Bettmann: 25:34

Oh, yeah, that feels like a weight off your shoulders. So smart, because hey, you don't need the heated wipe warmer.

Laney Schwartz: 25:41

It's nice, but you don't need it.

Danielle Bettmann: 25:43

Right? Especially if it doesn't even fit on the counter. Right? Yeah. So is there anything else that like right off the bat could just take weight off their shoulders?

Laney Schwartz: 25:53

The equipment is a really big deal. And also just, you know, when it comes to learning to cook, I'd like to say anybody can follow a recipe. But that's not I've learned that's not the case, cooking. You don't need fancy ingredients, or expensive ingredients or a lot of ingredients to make really delicious foods. So I think my recipes are pretty basic and pretty simple. And I think people are often surprised at how good things taste, when their ingredients are like pasta, broccoli, salt, lemon, they're like how good can that be. But if you understand techniques, which are, it sounds fancy, but if you just understand how to properly season food using salt, what a squeeze of lemon can do to a dish, if you just understand those basics, you can make really delicious food for not a lot of money. And with really minimal ingredients. So kind of letting go of that story of have to like, go to culinary school or have all these expensive fancy ingredients. You don't you can make delicious food with really simple things.

Danielle Bettmann: 27:00

Yay. Okay. So is there like one step one that you recommend across the board, as kind of like, everybody could benefit from doing this?

Laney Schwartz: 27:15

It's kind of I think the kitchen itself is there's a few, there's a lot, actually. But the first thing and this is I have a program called Cook with Confidence. And this is where I start because when I first developed the program, I just dove in right away with cooking. We started with chicken because everybody struggles with chicken. Nobody wants to touch the raw meat. It's a whole thing. It's always rubbery. It's always dry, right? Yep, I'm with you. So that was the number one. And so it's a great week one, we're gonna start with chicken. And then once I ran that a few times, I realized, okay, there's actually steps that people need to take before they even get to the chicken because there are people as I mentioned, just walking into their kitchens were overwhelming. So I really think that first step is, you don't need to hire an organizer. Like if you can just get in, go through your spices and go through your pantry, get rid of anything that's expired, donate anything that you don't want or use. Just clean everything out. If you have a drawer in your kitchen that has 1000 different tools in it and you haven't touched any of them in three years. Donate them, just get the clutter out. And just keep what you need. If you have no idea what you need, that's another story. And you could always reach out for help there. But just getting rid of that clutter in the space. And having a good knife is a necessity because I have found that if you don't have the proper sat mainly the size knife sharpness is important too. But if most people who are frustrated in the kitchen, when it comes to prep work, I find are using the wrong knife they're using up too small. And so jobs that should be really quick and easy or really difficult and frustrating. And just swapping out for the proper knife can change the game and cut your prep time in half. So a good knife clearing out your kitchen, and then we can get started.

Danielle Bettmann: 29:08

Yeah, that makes so much sense. Because I know that our environment plays so much into you know if it's working for us or if it's working against us. And you know, we know what that does to our mind. Yes, in the playroom and in our kids room and in our room. So why would that not translate in the kitchen as well? Exactly. That makes so much sense. Any other like top tips for taking stress out of the kitchen?

Laney Schwartz: 29:35

Just if you can give yourself a break. I mean, really, and don't feel like you need to cook seven days a week. Because you don't I mean we have to eat seven days a week and you're going to have to feed your family seven days a week that's inevitable and also that's why I'm here because whether you like it or not, we got to eat so it's up to you how you choose to feed yourself and your family. But even if you start with Once a week, you know making trying to cook something and you build from there. But I think it's important to schedule in those days off. So whether that's you know, takeout or ordering in or having your partner cook or whatever it is, give yourself that mental space that you know is coming like, okay, like for me, it typically don't cook on the weekends, a lot, at least for dinner. And I know that I have that mental break coming because even as someone who does this for a job and loves to cook and loves to eat, I get burnt out and I get in ruts and I don't want to do it a lot of the time. And so I think building in those breaks for yourself and just cutting yourself some slack. The worst thing that can happen if you actually attempt to make a meal, and it doesn't work out. The worst thing is that it doesn't work out and you have to throw it away. I mean, that is, you know, people get so worked up and like, oh, this didn't work. Okay, so it didn't work. So you have cereal or you whatever you order pizza, but I think people in their head built up if they try something that doesn't work. I think it's so much worse than it actually is. And it's just not like, everyone just take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay.

Danielle Bettmann: 31:15

Won't be okay. That's so true, though. Because yeah, that is a terrifying thought. But then yeah, when you realize that you'll still be okay. And the next day still comes and the sun will still come up tomorrow.

Laney Schwartz: 31:27

Okay. All right. So you messed up. You know, it happens. It still happens to me. And it's okay. It's frustrating. And it it sucks. But if you don't try, it'll never get better or easier.

Danielle Bettmann: 31:39

Huh? Yes, that is something I've been telling my daughters with instrument practice. And math is with practice. This gets easier. Yeah, does it make it hard at the beginning, though, or for frustrating when the violin will not make the sound you want it to? violin is a tough one doesn't mean anything about her as a person. Yeah.

Laney Schwartz: 32:02

Yeah, a lot of these skills are these lessons that we're trying to teach our kids? We need to be telling ourselves.

Danielle Bettmann: 32:09

Oh, totally. Yeah, we can't teach them if we haven't learned them. And usually we haven't learned them yet. So we're on learning, learning and teaching. A lot. No biggie. No biggie.

Laney Schwartz: 32:24

Everything's fine.

Danielle Bettmann: 32:25

Everything's fine. So what about if a listener is in a rut? What do you typically recommend for a mom like that?

Laney Schwartz: 32:34

So I Yes, I also work with people who do love to cook, but again, get in ruts and just need to shake it up a little bit. So it's different for everyone. I would say for me, when I get in a rut, there's a few things that I like to do. And number one is just to break my routine. So if I would normally, you know, typically cook during the week, but maybe one night, I decide, hey, tonight, we're gonna go out to dinner, maybe we choose a new restaurant, maybe we just choose one of our favorites. And just getting out of your routine out of the house, sometimes ordering something new, even just browsing menus from some of your favorite restaurants just to kind of like, spark your brain and get the juices flowing. Watching a cooking show, I learned to cook from watching iron a garden on the Food Network. And that's like my happy place. So I can rewatch an old episode of hers that I've seen 100 times. But watching her cook does something for my creativity. Like I'm like, Oh, that looks so good. And, okay, she made this pasta with chicken, I want to do that. And oh, but I have this in the fridge. So it just kind of gets again gets the juices flowing. So watching a cooking show, going to a different grocery store. If you always go to this Trader Joe's, maybe you go to this one. And sometimes just the change of environment. It's all the same products, but it's displayed differently. Or just sometimes it's sad, but it makes it more exciting. Or I mean social media, like find people on social media, you know, bloggers that inspire you. Sometimes there's people that you're going to watch that are going to make you feel badly about yourself. And don't watch those people find someone who's or videos that inspire you. And sometimes just scrolling, intentionally scrolling to look for recipes, you might come across something, and that might look really good. And then you can, you know, go and implement that. But there's inspiration everywhere. And at the end of the day, if none of that works, I would say if you can as much as possible to like, take a big step back and take a break. If that means like asking your partner to handle dinners for the next week. Like my birthday is coming up in January, I'll be 40 but I'm like, what if I just asked for to not have to think about dinner for a week. Like that's like, be a really big deal. Yeah, your brain needs time to rest. And so if you're able to take a break I know for some moms depending on the season, that's not possible. But sometimes if you're burnt out it's Often your body's telling you that you just need to stop for a second.

Danielle Bettmann: 35:04

Yeah. And there's a totally different mentality when it comes to that break, where you could succumb to realizing, all right, we need you to get takeout this weekend, because you know, we don't have groceries. And the whole time that you're getting takeout, you're beating yourself up, yes. And you're feeling guilty, and you're feeling bad, versus telling yourself on Wednesday, I'm going to take an intentional break Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and we're going to eat out and I'm going to rest and I'm going to come back with some whitespace so that I can fill reinspired in more creative next week. And that is the same on paper, but totally different. And like the outcome of that will actually have I'm sure,

Laney Schwartz: 35:46

exactly, you said it just right. Yes. It's that intentional break, and not beating yourself up during that process. It's so important.

Danielle Bettmann: 35:53

And so what's your typical advice for a mom who's working full time, maybe even a single mom and like time is the biggest issue?

Laney Schwartz: 36:01

Meal planning can be really helpful for people. I'm personally not a huge meal planner, just because it's just not how I'm wired. And I have the flexibility. And also it's my job. And so it's a little bit different. But meal plans work great for people. And so if you, rather than thinking about every single night, what you're going to make, if you can plan out even just a couple of nights a week, even if it's like, you know, two to four meals, that can really help just with the decision fatigue during the week, there's so many recipes that you can make, you know, 15 minutes or less 30 minutes or less. But if you're going to cook, you know, I think people want to have healthy delicious meals on the table, but also don't want to cook like you do have to do something. It will take some time. But you know, it can take less time than you think. And so I think meal planning a little bit ahead of time, I'm not also a huge meal prepper. But even if you're meal prepping, like I don't want to spend two hours on a Sunday in my kitchen prepping for the week. But if I can prep ahead, a few things, even if it's some muffins to put in the freezer. If I'm making rice, can I just double that recipe and have some rice leftover for the week? Can I make a batch of hard boiled eggs like thinking like if things that you're already doing that are easy to double or freeze, just kind of getting in that mindset, if you're making roast vegetables, can you roast more and have more for the week. So little things that can add up if you're able to incorporate those, when you do have the time or when you choose to make the time can really help? You know on those short days where you're short on time.

Danielle Bettmann: 37:38

And what seems to be the biggest takeaway for moms that just need to like, learn one on one type thing, you know, like me, speak to me. Yeah, I still am really unsure of like, you know, my knife skills and temperatures of meats and things and like, what it's supposed to look like to know if it's done for anything, what should I do to feel like I am becoming more of the person who can handle this type of stuff?

Laney Schwartz: 38:11

Yeah, so I'm not going to tell you what you should do. But I'm going to give you some guidance, if you are looking for number one, if you are if you are somebody like you who doesn't feel confident in the kitchen and feels like you should be but don't really care, too. Like there's some people who aren't confident, but also like they don't really care. It doesn't bother them. And they're okay with that. But society is saying you should know you should do this, you should, those people aren't going to learn because it does take effort to learn doesn't take a lot of effort, but it does take effort and some commitment. So number one, you have to want to learn right, and you have to want to get better at something. So that's the first thing. And I literally created a full course for people just like you it's called Cook with Confidence. And it is for that person who doesn't know where to begin. There's so many people showing and teaching how to make recipes from start to finish. And I couldn't find anybody that was teaching people the questions like he just said, like, what does it look like when it's done knife skills? Like what does that even mean? What is the difference between a stainless steel pot and the cast iron pan? And a nonstick pan? And how are they different? Like all these questions that aren't covered in a how to recipe. They're just all the other questions that people have. It's all assumed, right? So I had a couple of friends who came to me and they were like, afraid. First of all, they didn't know where to go to even ask the questions like who do you ask?

Danielle Bettmann: 39:42

You feel silly! You're supposed to know this if you're an adult. Exactly. So

Laney Schwartz: 39:45

So that is kind of always not always but more in the more recent years. kind of been my thing. I want you to come to me. I want to be that safe space for people to ask all the stupid questions that you think you should already know the answer to but You don't like that is what I'm here for you are my favorite type of person to teach because there's not a place for you. And it's really, it's all about building that confidence. And you just need a couple of pointers. And you just need a little bit of guidance to get there. But that's what this program is it does answer all of those questions, all of the embarrassing questions that you have. And it just, it fills in all those gaps. Yes, I use recipes to teach. But all those questions are kind of answered in there. And it's a great place to start. If you you can always just come to me and ask a million questions. You can find me on Instagram or email, wherever. But this program, I guarantee any question you're going to ask, I guarantee it's in that program. That's awesome. So that is an option if you were really looking to go from start to finish for something.

Danielle Bettmann: 40:50

Yeah. So tell us more what that looks like. Just logistically.

Laney Schwartz: 40:54

Yeah, so Cook with Confidence is a self paced program. It has eight modules. So there's eight different sections. And it starts with a kitchen audit, as I mentioned, kind of going through making your kitchen a nice calm space. really simply, then we move into knife skills. There's a whole week just on knife skills, we cover chicken. So when I talk about chicken, I'm not just throwing recipes at you, we talk about all the different types of chickens so you know bone and skin on versus boneless, skinless versus a whole chicken and what to look for when you're shopping and tips to make your you know how to make your chicken not taste dry and rubbery. And how do you know when it's ready to flip and all those little things. So we talk all about chicken and then we move into we do vegetables like different methods. So I teach a lot of techniques like how to steam how to roast, how to saute, it sounds overwhelming. But these are all skills that you'll see. When you're looking at any recipe. We could do soups, we do red meat, we do fish, we do pasta, so all of kind of the everyday foods that you're eating, that families typically eat. That's what we cover. Again, it's self paced, so you can go on your own time, and just work your way through. But it has, if I may toot my own horn, it has truly been life changing for people. And it's, I'm most proud of this product, because it's not just helped these, I've mainly worked with women, there's been a few men that have come through. But it's helped so many women just transform their confidence not just in the kitchen, but also in their relationships. Because when you're confident in any area of your life, but specifically I work with people in the kitchen, when they feel confident in the kitchen as moms or as single people or with their partner. It just the ripple effect is so strong and everybody else in their relationships get stronger. And they're just an all around more confident person. And so it's been awesome. So it's there for you if you want it.

Danielle Bettmann: 42:54

Yes, thank you for creating it. I mean, it's so needed. And I appreciate like the no questions, a bad question type mentality. Because, yeah, we just feel kind of missed, like the opportunity to learn those skills passed us over. And here we are, and I'm, you know, burning my arm making frozen pizza. So

Laney Schwartz: 43:15

I do that doesn't really go away. Oh,

Danielle Bettmann: 43:20

okay. Yeah, that's my reputation. And I totally agree with you, though, that the confidence piece ripples effect all over like all these categories of like, because there's, we're not a category type human, we're just like, so intertwined with all these different aspects of our day. And when we feel more capable and confident in one, it's absolutely going to translate to everything else. And I see that with the families that I work with, and how much it then affects their child. And it's just, you can't discount the value, I totally back you up on that. And I'm so glad that you're here to be able to share that opportunity with my listeners. So go ahead and share just like how they can connect with you. And what are all those ways, and I'll share that in the show notes.

Laney Schwartz: 44:07

Yeah, so my blog where all my recipes live is lifeisbutadish.com You can also find me on Instagram@lifeisbutadish on trying tik tok @lifeisbutadish. So pretty much anywhere on social media@lifeisbutadish. And then I have a curated page, just for your listeners that has some of my top 10 favorite recipes from my site that if you're kind of a beginner, and you just want to don't know where to begin, these are some good solid recipes to start with. And there's also a coupon code for the program if you're interested in that for your listeners on that page as well.

Danielle Bettmann: 44:40

Thank you. Welcome. take that extra step. We feel so special. Yeah. Yeah. So, to wrap up, then I have to ask you the question that I ask every guest that comes on, how are you the mom that your kids need?

Laney Schwartz: 44:56

I love that question. I think I similarly to how I feel when I say in my work that there's no stupid question like anything is on the table, I'll answer anything. And I won't make you feel like an idiot for asking it. I feel that way when it comes to my girls. Like there is no topic that is off limits all the, quote, awkward conversations about periods and boys and sex, like I want to talk about it. So yes, I want to make all of the awkward conversations feel comfortable. And I didn't really have that as a kid. And so they were just kind of like no conversations. But I think just being that safe space to talk about anything, and everything is what's so important. And just getting my girls to speak. I mean, now they don't shut up, and they talk too much. But it's better than staying silent. So I think just being that safe space for all of the awkward conversations that don't need to be awkward. That's what I do best.

Danielle Bettmann: 46:05

I love that they are so lucky to have you. Thank you like just having that bold stance and being able to make that possible. Because, again, yeah, I wish I had that growing up. That is such a powerful piece of that if your relationship that you're giving them as a gift. So keep it up. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks again for taking the time and being able to create what you have and help the moms like me. And other moms in between. I'm sure that anybody can go grab the recipes. And we'll be able to make some quick, simple dinners over the next week. And so I hope they'll go to that link that's in the show notes. But yeah, just thank you so much. I'm so glad to be connected.

Laney Schwartz: 46:47

Of course. Thank you so much for having me.

Danielle Bettmann: 46:49

Yes. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now and share it in your Instagram stories and tag me. If you're loving the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms note they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood on a daily basis. And if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong willed child, and invest in the support you need to make it happen. Schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you, and I'm cheering you on