The Joke's on Us! Relatable Dads, Wholesome Advice with Kevin + Evan (@thedumbdads)

Happy Father's Day, dads!

My guests today, Kevin + Evan, are two stay-at-home dad comedians trying to let parents know the struggle is normal and we’re doing better than we think. 

You might already follow them as they’ve been featured on Good Morning America, Momsplaining with Kristen Bell, & Today and go viral often on TikTok and Instagram for bits like "Dad Press Conferences".

‌They’ve set out to be relatable dads that can poke fun out of the bizarre experience that parenting is, fight the stigma of the bar being on the floor for dads and give parents permission to laugh at themselves and their kids, knowing they’re not alone.

They say they're failing fatherhood, but I pull some great parenting perspective out of them inside this episode!

IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...

• Some of the most patronizing moments they've had as SAHD's
• How they find the line of what to share online
• How to add the Improv tool of "Yes, And" to your parenting toolkit

DON'T MISS-

• Why they're already the parents they wish they were

// CONNECT WITH KEVIN & EVAN //
‎Dumb Dad Podcast on Apple Podcasts
Instagram: @thedumbdads
TikTok: The Dumb Dads

I believe in you + I'm cheering you on.
Come say hi!  I'm @parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.
Apply to work together: parentingwholeheartedly.com/Apply

Transcript

Evan Berger  0:00  
Improv, I think, where a lot of people think improv is like, get on stage and like, say the funniest thing you can think of, and then what you eventually realize is the tool of improv is a listening tool. Like, how well are you listening to everything that's going around you, so you can be involved in the game. You don't want to miss out on the game. As soon as you can insert yourself in the game, then everything gels so nicely. And the power of literally just listening to your children is like an underestimated thing that's still even talked about, apologizing to your children is a huge one. Listening to your children is a huge one, and they don't have your perspective, your adult experiences and perspective and thoughts and multitasking ideas. They know they're upset, sometimes they don't even know why, and because the world's a very confusing, scary place, and if you're losing it too, then there's no way that that's going to be solved in any healthy manner.

Danielle Bettmann  0:57  
Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood, I mean. Have too much anxiety, not enough patience? Too much yelling, not enough play? There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right, but this is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you, you feel like you're screwing everything up, and you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud. This podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann, and each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real, sharing her insecurities, her fears, her failures and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough, and you're not alone. I hope you pop in earbuds somehow, sneak away and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend, we're so glad you're here.

Danielle Bettmann  2:09  
Hey, it's Danielle. Welcome back to our Failing Fatherhood Series leading up to Father's Day today, I am joined by Kevin Laferriere and Evan Berger from Dumb Dad's podcast. They're two stay at home dad comedians trying to let parents know that the struggle is normal and we're doing better than we think. You might already follow them, as they have been featured on Ellen, Access, Hollywood, Good Morning America. MomSplaining with Kristen Bell and Today. Their most viral content on Tiktok and Instagram has been their bits of the Dad Press Conferences, Dad Performance Reviews, Confessions of a Parent, Kids Can Be Creepy Sometimes, and Parenting Through Time Montages. They've set out to be relatable dads that can poke fun out of the bizarre experience that parenting is, fight the stigma of the bar being on the floor for dads, and give parents permission to laugh at themselves and their kids knowing they are not alone. We laugh throughout the whole conversation, but against their will, I pull some legit parenting advice out of these guys as well. We dive into how parenting is just one long game of improv and how to play yes and with your kid, as exhausting as that can be some days. At the very end, they answer the question I ask every guest, how are you the parent your kid needs? And their answers may surprise you coming from comedians and will likely resonate with how you felt lately. You will no doubt feel seen in this conversation. So go follow them everywhere, if you haven't already, and let's dive in.

Danielle Bettmann  3:51  
Welcome to Failing Motherhood. My name is Danielle Bettmann, and on today's episode, I am joined by Kevin and Evan, The Dumb Dads, but the dumb is silent. They are the self pronounced experts of Failing Fatherhood here to grace us with their presence today. Thank you so much for joining us.

Evan Berger  4:15  
Oh, thank you so much for having us.

Danielle Bettmann  4:17  
I'm excited. I don't know anybody else that would be a better guest than talking about how humbling parenting is.

Evan Berger  4:25  
Oh, wow, yeah, every day that's humbling. 

Kevin Laferriere  4:27  
Thank you very much for saying that we don't get a day off from it. 

Evan Berger  4:30  
Yeah, that's right. 

Danielle Bettmann  4:30  
Right? It's relentless. So I've shared a quick bio, but for anybody who is totally new to you. Who are you? Who's in your family?

Kevin Laferriere  4:39  
I'm Kevin, and I've got two kids. I've got a daughter and a son, nine year old daughter and a five year old son -just down the street from Mr. Evan here, with my wife and kids. And yeah, we're The Dumb Dads. We've been doing this since 2020. We had a podcast that we started in 2019 right before my son was born, and then we started during the pandemic, doing videos. And now we've winded up here being called experts at Failing Fatherhood. Sooooo. 

Evan Berger  5:06  
All right, no pressure there. Hello. My name is Evan, and I'm a dumb dad. I have my beautiful wife, Katie at home, and my son, who's nine, my daughter, who's five, just about to be six, and it's a breeze. This whole thing is a lie. Parenting is easy, so let's say, Help us. Help us. We were just talking about this last night, and I think there's really something to this that I was like, when you have little kids, it feels very overwhelming, like babies and like little, little kids, it's like, overwhelming, but you can still like, you know, I'm taking them to the zoo, or I'm doing this, but now, like, at nine and five, I was like, it feels like we're kind of starting to swim in open water here. We're not very close to the beach anymore, and it's really overwhelming a lot of the time, because you're feel stranded a lot more than you want to.

Danielle Bettmann  5:52  
Yes, there's, there's real truth to that. There's like a tipping point when you realize you can no longer carry them out of a situation. Like when they become too heavy to, like, physically, just like, put under your shoulder and walk out of target, it's a problem.

Evan Berger  6:08  
Yes, physically and emotionally, it's too much.

Evan Berger  6:11  
Yeah, my son, is still there. I could still carry him out, which is nice, because, you know, my oldest, it's like a trade off, right? You have, like, the age where you got to carry them out because they're so unreasonable, they've just lost it. Yeah, we were not getting this back, at least not in this space. And I feel like my daughter is definitely at an age where she's at least, can be like, can you help me? And she's like, fine. I have to carry him out. He's a nightmare right now.

Danielle Bettmann  6:41  
Like as a parent, you have to learn to use your words, which is very hard. 

Kevin Laferriere  6:47  
Yes, very hard. Yes. You gotta practice what you preach more than you've maybe thought you would have.

Danielle Bettmann  6:51  
Yes, exactly. So you guys are both stay at home dads, right under the right impression. How long has that been the case? That's

Evan Berger  6:59  
That's  always been the case. I know that's pretty much the same thing with Evan. Both of our wives work in day jobs, and we were, I was bartending at the time, before we had any kids. I was bartending nights, and there was no overlap of us working. It was like, she got off at six and I went in at seven or eight. So it was like, there's actually a buffer time there too, where we see each other. I was like, if we started having kids, like this would be a good gig. I could be a stay at home dad during the day, and then bartend a couple nights a week. And so we've always kind of done that. We've kind of transitioned, not out of it, because when the kids come home from school and stuff like that, then we are back in charge. Although I did talk about on our latest podcast about how I've kind of switched roles because the Dumb Dads has kind of become a business where I am, like working nowadays, and my wife is in between production right now, so she's not working, so she now takes the kids, which is like a weird situation. So in my house, it's kind of flipped now. Now my wife is kind of the stay at home mom, for the first time in seven and a half years, and I was the stay at home dad, obviously a little bit of a reprieve while they're at school, but, yeah, it was definitely something- a strange situation, but I was definitely doing it for a long time. I know Evan is still a stay home, dad, for the most part.

Evan Berger  8:16  
Yeah, same. And it was always the plan as well. I mean, just schedule wise, it  worked out perfectly. I mean, Kevin and I are both actors, so you know, we basically have to be available all the time anyway for auditions and all these things, and always trying to navigate our jobs or whatever. Like Kevin said, bartending, working nights  - I'd worked like odd jobs, you know, that would like not take up too much of my day or time. And then, you look at the price of daycare, and it's like, hey, I've got an idea. We can save that much money, and that basically becomes my salary, you know, as a stay at home dad, without having to pay that money. So we won't see that money. And there's no way to move up in the company, really, but, yeah, so it always just kind of made sense. And so sure, I mean, both of us were, you know, not only did it make sense, but I was excited to do it. I didn't even think about the stigma, or, boy, it's rare or anything. It was just like, Oh, I'd love to do that. You know, that was always the intention. And it just, you know, just worked out in our benefit, for sure. 

Danielle Bettmann  9:19  
Have you fully embraced, like the uniform of like slippers in a robe, or what type of like preconceptions have you embraced? Or what things are you trying to like, bash as, yeah, stigma, misconceptions,

Kevin Laferriere  9:30  
Oh my gosh. The easy answer is like, yeah, you know, I like wear shorts a lot, same ones a couple days in a row.  But there's also much deeper things we both both experienced as stay at home dads like you take your kids to the read along at the library, and it's like, oh,  you're such a good dad, what a good dad you are. And it's like, how do you know that? Because I came here with my kid? That's not fair to the moms that are here with four kids, or me, really. You don't know anything about me. Yeah, and so part of the things we've tried to change through our account, through our comedy and our point of view of what it's like to be a failing parent acknowledging the mistakes you make, is like, let's pick the bar of fatherhood up off the floor and carry it around for a while. Don't need to be too presentable about it. But that's definitely an underlying thing that we try to put into our content. I mean, the dumb is silent, just a dad here trying to do my best. Sometimes it's not great, but I acknowledge that I'm still trying to get better every day at being the best parent to my children as I can be.

Kevin Laferriere  10:35  
It's funny, you asked about the stigma of the slippers and the robe. I kind of made it a point when I was home to, like, change in the morning. I didn't want to be in the same outfit I slept in. But having said that, now that my wife is stay at home and I'm now, like, working, but I'm working from home so I like, shut myself away in the office. A couple times, like last week, I went to go to bed and went, all right, well, you gotta change out of yesterday's pajamas.

Evan Berger  11:08  
Gonna say I don't like to work in the thing I slept in, but what I put on, I will go to sleep in.

Evan Berger  11:12  
Yeah, what I've heard, so I've definitely shifted that. It's funny, dropping my kids off at school, there is, like, one or two moms that I have seen that are full, like the pajama suit, like the button up with the pants, a robe and slippers, and like the mug and, like the hair straight out of the dryer. And I just want to walk after them, shake their hands, because I'm just like, good for you. Like, that's full commitment, full commitment. I mean, it literally looks like a commercial. Like you'd see a commercial that's a bit far. But, like, I've seen a couple of drop offs, and I'm like, good for you. Hats off. 

Evan Berger  11:52  
Yeah, respect for just owning, like, owning it. Own it.

Danielle Bettmann  11:55  
Yes, you were doing more important things this morning.

Kevin Laferriere  11:59  
Yes, if I look great and we're late, we're still late. So right, this is my person. This is who I am this morning.

Danielle Bettmann  12:12  
Take it or leave it. Yes. So talking about lifting the bar off of the floor, what's the most like, patronizing compliment you've gotten? I mean, you mentioned one already about, like, oh, you took your kids to the library.

Kevin Laferriere  12:25  
I mean, that's, that was the big one. Same thing. Like, I also went to story time a lot, and that was definitely the reaction I got. It's like, not quite answering your question, but I remember something patronizing that I did get, that I'll never forget. I've talked about it before, is when my daughter was like under three, and our apartment that we lived in was walking distance to like the pet shop. So what I would do is I'd get the little red Radio Flyer, and I'd set up a little blanket, and I would seat my daughter in there, and then I would pull her to the pet shop. We'd buy the dog food, throw the big bag on there. She'd sit with her back against it, that would be a little trip. We do that once every, like, three months or something. And I'm bringing her, and I'm pulling the Radio Flyer, going there, and I hear from across the street, "you got to talk to her dad." And I look, and I just see like, some woman across the street, and she's looking at me, like, annoyed, and she's like, "you gotta talk to them. You gotta talk to your kid." And I was like out of like, I don't know if it's pride or arrogance, whatever. I was just like, "I don't want to talk to her now for the rest of the day," just just to like, prove to this woman I wanna make a point, I won't do what you tell me to do. And I was so, like, taken aback. I just went, yeah, how with my mouth do I talk? How do I talk? And I've been talking, she's not really talking back. It was just so funny. It was like she just clocked if that was like, one of the few things where it's like, so much is just easier for dads. Very much acknowledged that. I'm not going to pretend it's hard for dads, but there's like, one or two things, and one of them is like, that woman is a mom not talking to her kid, carrying him. I'm like, you know, pulling my Radio Flyer. She's like, good for that mom. And then the flip side of it would be like, oh God, if I don't say something, she's gonna fall off and that dad's not gonna notice and he's gonna keep going, he's gonna turn around see there's no kid on there. He's probably gonna keep going to the pet store. I'll get her on the way back. Like, probably what she was thinking.

Evan Berger  14:48  
I would say the example I use, is about the most patronizing thing, anything in the vicinity of, like treating a stay at home dad like some unicorn or something. And I get it, there's not as many stay at home dads. But it also doesn't feel like just the idea that you're doing that, is huge and there should be some reward. The other thing too, is something in the same vicinity, as Kevin says, once in a while, it's like, if you're in the store and the kids are, you know, running around a little bit, and somebody kind of gives the eye like man babysitting today, huh? It's like, no, these are my children. I'm not babysitting.

Evan Berger  15:27  
Get Paid. That would be awesome.

Danielle Bettmann  15:29  
Where's my paycheck? They get paid well, I might add.

Evan Berger  15:34  
I would love to babysit my kids, but then it's just my wife taking money out of her wallet, putting in my wallet, which she'll eventually take out of her wallet. It's a mess.

Kevin Laferriere  15:41  
But being both comedians, we know it's like, none of it really ever got too far other than like, we would tell each other. Guess what this lady said to me at the library today, you know, like, yeah, it's water off a duck's back for us. I mean, we can be a lot more mean to each other if we felt like it just for ripping each other back and forth. But when somebody says something like that, it was more just like, man, really, yeah, I guess we're still there. Okay, we got more work to do. 

Danielle Bettmann  15:41  
I love that, that gut instinct where you're like, now I'm not going to talk to her the whole rest of the day, just a proven point, because that is exactly how my husband would react to that, spite of that lady, because you told me to, I was going to anyway, but now that you said that I'm not going to,

Kevin Laferriere  16:19  
I think because as a person who writes comedy, I like to just tell jokes to myself all the time. I think I whispered it to my daughter. I was like, hey, I hope it's cool, I'm not going to talk to you the rest of the day. She's not even looking. She's just trying to eat a fly. Yeah?

Danielle Bettmann  16:38  
So I'm curious how you walk the line between like, making really relatable anecdotal content that also isn't disparaging to your kids, that also isn't like, I hate it here and I hate them, you know, like, is there a gut check that you go through before you hit post on something where you're like, Is this too mean or, like, how do you find that line?

Evan Berger  17:04  
Well, one line is the wife, and I'm like can I say this on the internet? And so that's usually a good filter to run through. Like that, well, that's just seems mean. Where's the joke part of it, you know, like, so, yeah, do a rewrite. But I would say mostly just when we first started our podcast, and we decided, and right before Kevin had his second kid. So we thought, like, this way it'll be a more of an honest conversation each week about being a father, and from like, day one, your responsibility, your responsibility from day one, but we also had a discussion. I remember thinking also, it just can't be, like, dunking on how annoying the kids are, because that's like, the same thing of like, let me show you yet another picture of my kid. Like, it gets old after a while, no one really cares that much. Like, yeah, I get it. You think your kids are annoying, but like, that's not really it. I don't think that's as relatable as it is to hear the account of your experience. And then again, like we don't put our kids in any of our videos or any of our content, and that would be a different way of then including and putting them in our content if we, you know, spoke about them all the time. And then here we're putting this out there for other parents, relatability. But really the relatability lies in sharing the experience of being the parent, not necessarily like my kids more annoying than yours, and here's how. And then, you know, just, of course, put it on the internet. It's probably going to be there forever in some way. So they go back and listen to and it's like, did you like being my dad? No, like that. We didn't want that either. So we just try to find the line, the lens that we or the filter that we put everything through, is like, here's how I feel as a dad, or here's where I screwed up. But let's, if you really think about it, here's the funny parts of that. Let's write it around that. Let's focus on that part of it.

Kevin Laferriere  18:55  
Yeah, yeah. Just kind of to bounce off that. I think what we also found was it's, it's very similar to, like, the picture thing. But also, another example I can give is when somebody's like, Oh, my kid said the funniest thing. And you're like, okay, and then they tell you, and it's like, especially if you don't know the kid, like, that way - it's like, not a kid you visit regularly or whatever, because you guys are, you know, playdates, whatever, you're just kind of like, Oh, wow. That's they do say things. It's always just funnier to you. And that's fine. Like, my kids are hilarious. My children are genuinely make me laugh so hard. My daughter's regularly like, why'd you laugh at that? And I have to, like, explain to her, but it's not gonna be funny on a podcast. It's definitely not gonna be funny in a video. And we just think the experience of parenting is so funny and other comedians have definitely tackled this exact subject just like,  Tommy Johnagin, is a stand up, saw him on, Last Comic Standing years ago, but he made a joke about, just like, nobody ever got drunk and woke up and built a shed. But like, you can get drunk one night and make a child like, and it's just like that idea of just like, no expertise involved, you're just thrown into it. Like, we've made videos in the past about like, leaving the hospital with your first child is one of the craziest experiences of your life. It's so bizarre, vivid, like, that's like a core memory for you, of just like the drive home, the feeling of like, not abandonment, but like, well, we're really on our own here. And they didn't much care. They were just like, good luck. I need your bed. And that was like, the first, probably the first thing that was like, that's interesting about parenting. And then after that, it was just like, the experience of us not doing a good job is hilarious. And then, I think we dabbled. I'm not going to pretend we knew right away. I think when we were making our videos, our content, like the podcast, was always focused on, like, our real lives. But the videos, I think we just dabbled in, like, the all aspects of parenting. And then the stuff that really started hitting was, like our thoughts and opinions, stuff we said that we're like, this is a weird thing. I don't think anybody's gonna get too specific. And then it would blow up an amount of people that were like, Me too, me too, me too. You were just like, oh, okay, um, that's really interesting. And then we kind of just started writing with that. It's like, all right, the experience of being a parent is much more fun than like, how annoying your kids are. All our kids are annoying at some points. Yeah, 100% you live with anyone. They're gonna, they're gonna get on your nerves. But I think the funniest aspect is just like, how do you navigate that? How you didn't navigate that? Like, yep, I think that's part of why the press conferences are so popular. Is because, like, if every day we're a game, like you are not a good team.

Danielle Bettmann  21:46  
500 squad, losing streak,

Kevin Laferriere  21:50  
500 like, you know, win loss, win loss, win loss. Oh, take that. There wouldn't be a lot of people at the stadium, is what I'm saying. A lot of empty seats.

Danielle Bettmann  22:00  
Well, and I think you really have hit that nail in the head of, like, finding the humor in the lived experience of just how bizarre and weird some of the situations are that you find yourself in as a parent, and being able to make that kind of a self depreciation that other parents can appreciate is like, really, you know, finding your audience and I know that you have definitely hit a nail on the head of, like, you know, some of the most viral stuff, but is there anything that, like, totally surprised you, where it was so specific and so, like, anecdotal, where you're like, no one will relate to this. And then, like, everybody on the internet related?

Evan Berger  22:37  
I have one that I posted, that I I was like, some days, got the idea for two days, other times, you know, I'm sure Kevin is like this as well, because we work on a lot of stuff together. But once, you know,a couple days a week, it's like, I'll post something, he'll post something. And I made this video that I thought, I didn't even think, like, it's not going to do well. I just thought this is kind of funny to me. And it was about like, asking your kid, how did how was school today? What happened at school? Nothing. And it's like, okay, and you know, and that happens like, throughout the afternoon, you ask them a question, like, nothing, not really, whatever, and then you read them a bedtime story, and they chat your ear off about what happened that day. And I just it was like, you have all this time to talk to me throughout the day, and now is when we're doing it, when we're like, trying to go to bed. And so I just made a video about how funny I thought that was, and it like, went super viral. And everyone's like, 'why is this the time that they', 'Oh, yes, definitely,' this is, when they'll open up to you.' This is one of the times where I have the best chats with my kid. And it was like, I, like, learned something by posting that, thinking this is kind of funny. And everyone's like, yeah, that's like when they do that, and that's one of the best times to have a conversation like that with your kid, or whatever. And then even something as simple as that actually made bedtime a little easier, knowing that,  it's not just your kid. I want to go. I want to not be a parent for just like, an hour. Yeah, I want to go out, sit in the living room, fall asleep to a show on the couch and go to bed and then do it tomorrow. But now we're talking for like an hour about the new lunchbox somebody brought to school. Like, what is going on? Yeah, I was totally unaware that that was such a common thing for all parents. 

Evan Berger  24:14  
Yeah, I think mine was, I think I already mentioned it, but I had some in Confessions of a Parent when I started doing those, and it was like sneaking in cabinets and just wanting to pause and just admitting, like, secrets that I do as a parent, to cut corners and things like that. Those started doing really well, and people, like, were resonating with them. Another one I did, I mentioned, was the I did a hospital, one of like, leaving it was just like, filmed it outside. I was the nurse, and then I was also the parent who's just like, we mean we're leaving, like, you're not coming with me? I don't understand. Like you were just coming in here to, like, remind me to change diapers and for my wife to breastfeed. And now it's like, see ya.

Evan Berger  24:59  
Like I felt like yeah, the car I'm gonna drive away in, I had to study and pass a written test and prove to somebody else that I could drive it. And this is like, yeah, here's a person. Good, good luck.

Danielle Bettmann  25:12  
Yeah, just sign on the dotted line. 

Evan Berger  25:12  
The weight of responsibility that you feel driving home was like, where was this? No one talked about this part. 

Kevin Laferriere  25:23  
I did make up a joke once that was like, not my experience -  the Parenting Through Time videos that we do take place in the 50s, 80s, 90s and then today, parenting - I kind of sound like a radio host when I say that. But I was doing the 80s dad, and I'd already done, like, maybe two videos. And I was like, he just says ridiculous things. And I kind of didn't know what to say, so I was like, I'll just make something up. So I have him, like, send his kid to the roof to jiggle the antenna. And I was like, that's dumb, whatever. And I put it on there. And like, multiple people were like, 'Oh, dude, same. My dad sent me on the roof so often to fix the antenna.' I was like, wait, what? Like, I just was like, that's too far I jumped this. Like, this is so stereotypical that it's not even true, right? Then people were like, 'no, yeah, me in the winter.' I was like, okay. 

Danielle Bettmann  26:17  
I'm sorry?

Evan Berger  26:20  
Happy you're still with us.

Danielle Bettmann  26:21  
It's like a movie quote that, like, that doesn't happen in real life, or, like, no, that's really how people are parented.

Evan Berger  26:21  
How are any of us here? 

Speaker 1  26:22  
Yeah, it's a great question. No seat belts, it's fine. 

Evan Berger  26:40  
That's all fine.

Danielle Bettmann  26:42  
Any other surprisingly, like, universal themes that pop up in your comments of just parents that needed to know, like, oh, I'm not alone? Do you feel like there's like a universal theme of just like, I don't know any other parents in real life, so I need to kind of connect and have a feeling of connection? What do you feel like are some of those patterns?

Evan Berger  27:01  
I think one of the nicer ones that we've gotten over the years has been stay at home dads in like, specifically, like the Midwest, so we're in Los Angeles, as Evan said, we're actors, so stay at home dads aren't as rare out here. And I'm sure it's the same, probably in like New York or somewhere else of similar situations, but especially in like, the Midwest. I know this is very rare, and we've definitely gotten some like DMS from dads. We definitely get it from moms too. And that was another like, great thing. We were just making content to make content. And I think we just kind of got lucky. We just hit that perfect, perfect formula of like, dads who stay home, so like, we were resonating, and are hopefully still resonating with stay at home moms, but also stay at home dads. And the DMS we get from stay at home dads, I really appreciate this and need this. I feel alone out there. I'm the only guy at story time, the only guy at, you know, my gym. 

Evan Berger  28:01  
Or my friends think it's weird, you know? I mean, how specific is that that my guy friends are like, always giving them a hard time or whatever. 

Kevin Laferriere  28:09  
So, yeah, I think just like acknowledging that it's hard and trying to make it funny is definitely our universal theme. Because I think about this a lot, and I know a lot of parents do is like, How many times do you have, like, a hard day with your kids? It was just a struggle. And either the cliche of, they go to bed and you come across a photo, you know, Time Hop sends you something, and you're like, I want to go in there and climb in bed with them, or just a day ends nice, which sometime it does not end nice at all. But, you know, sometimes it ends nice and it's just, like, that's just, that's just such a good example of parenting and what makes it like special and different. And I think what we like to do with our content is like, I don't think we need to, I mean, we don't have enough time. It's only like a minute to minute and a half, but like, we don't need to have like, a little mushy Full House moment at the end of our videos. Just like, acknowledge the hard parts and assume it's good. We've definitely gotten, like, a couple negative comments here and there of people probably just having a bad day for being honest, and they're saying stuff like, you guys are always talking about how hard or bad parenting is, can't you just say a nice thing about it? 

Evan Berger  29:23  
Or you guys seem to lose, can't you just win? Yeah, or come on, come out on top.

Kevin Laferriere  29:28  
I've seen somebody comment on that, not us, somebody comment on that, going though they're obviously involved parents. They're just having fun. And I was like, thank you. 

Evan Berger  29:37  
We're thinking about the hard parts, yeah, the fun win that you had a great day at, you know, the zoo, and everyone came back with something, yea that's not funny.

Danielle Bettmann  29:47  
Yeah, hey everybody, just letting you know, we had a good day. Well, everyone listened.

Evan Berger  29:54  
Over here, yeah, we got ketchup all over the kitchen.

Kevin Laferriere  29:58  
Also, I don't think Instagram, specifically needs more videos of how perfect someone's life is.

Evan Berger  30:09  
I will say this another one of the ways in which we realized that maybe we were more rare, or that what we were doing was maybe filling a void that we didn't know needed to be filled, was once things started to take off a little bit, and we kind of found our footing, you can look at your analytics, and it was like our following was like, 80% women, moms. And we always thought like, yeah, let's talk about, no one really talked about being a dad. Let's talk about being dads. Let's make sketches about being dads. I mean, not that many people really do that. There's probably a niche we can make there. And the overwhelming response we got from moms right away was like, oh, whoa. You know how many times like 'I feel seen watching your videos' was like, did not expect those kinds of comments. You guys are literally talking about my frustrations I feel as a stay at home mom, and we were like, whoa, I did not expect that. And I'll say on the opposite side of that, one of the most alarming comments we get all the time, and we get it a lot, is, do you have cameras in my house? Because this is exactly what's happening. And we're like, no, that's so problematic. No, we don't have cameras in your house.

Evan Berger  31:16  
I don't know your I don't know your nest password.

Evan Berger  31:22  
It's a different way of people saying how seen they feel. But it's like, yeah, that's such a wild way of saying that, 

Danielle Bettmann  31:28  
But I get that from clients as well, where they're like, I watched your training and I looked because I swore I saw you, like, looking over our shoulder, like the last moment we were just parenting. And that is, like, a really high compliment, because it just means that, like, it hits so deeply and it's so validating, and I didn't feel like I had words for that, and now you just put the words in for me and like, that's such a win.

Danielle Bettmann  31:57  
Here's the deal, if your child is sensitive and smart yet loses it. Is clingy or aggressive with you at home, they can go 0 to 60 over the smallest things, like when they just don't get their way, nothing changes their mind, and they can't seem to get over it, and you know, what you're doing isn't working, and siblings are starting to suffer. You could go to therapy yourself and take your child to therapy and follow all the experts and ask your family and friends for advice, and take a course and set up a calm down corner and read all the parenting books and still feel defeated, it's time. It's time to learn the missing pieces of invaluable insight about their temperament that unlocks compassion in you and understanding of how to work with the way they're wired. It's time to communicate in new ways, like a hostage negotiator, to get through to them and cultivate cooperation with confidence. And it's time to eliminate the behaviors that are working to gain control and attention at their root, rather than playing Whack A Mole, Calm and Confident, the master class is for you. There you will master the kind and firm approach your strong willed child needs without crushing their spirit or walking on eggshells. In this free training, I share the four critical, kind and firm scripts that unlock cooperation in every situation, how to eliminate behaviors at their root and the path to solidifying the open and honest relationship that you want to have with your child down the road. So go to parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident to access this exclusive On Demand training immediately. That's parentingwholeheartedly.com/confident that link will be in the show notes.

Danielle Bettmann  33:57  
But I do love that you talk about how we don't mention the mushy gushy stuff about parenthood, but that's kind of like assumed. I was actually watching something about It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Rob McElhenney was talking about how the characters do these like absolutely ridiculous, misogynistic, homophobic, like terrible, racist things. And the funny part of it comes from knowing that the actors are, in no way any of those things, right? Yeah, and that, I feel like, is what we see intrinsically when we watch content from you guys, it's like they're so naturally self depreciating. And you can appreciate that because you know that they're working really hard at being good dads, and that they probably are really good dads, and they love the heck out of their kids, and that's why we can take this like gap and make fun of it, and I feel like, that's really your lane, like, knowing that you're not actually terrible people who have, like, this resentment growing, because that would make it really uncomfortable to laugh at.

Evan Berger  35:07  
There's a way to say like, other ways to say stuff the perfect Instagram accounts or whatever it is, like otherwise, it could come off as preachy if you don't do it right. And we thought like, well, why don't we? There's like, a sneaky way to talk about being an involved parent and the things you're focusing on, by talking about how hard those things are to do and the funny ways in which you fail at them. And so, yes, you know, I know we call ourselves the Dumb Dads, but there's a little bit of layering there that we stumble upon once in a while.

Kevin Laferriere  35:36  
And it's, it's fun to play the villain.

Danielle Bettmann  35:39  
Yes, yeah. Embrace the stereotype, yeah, which is funny in itself. And I feel like there is a crossroads you find yourself in a lot as a parent, where you have the choice to genuinely get really frustrated, or find a way to be playful, find a way to play it off, dismiss it, fake it a bit, not take it personally, and be goofy. And you find yourself at that crossroads, and sometimes you don't have the wherewithal, the capability, and you just, yeah, you know, let yourself go, and you kind of just spiral. And then you regret it later, of course.

Evan Berger  36:19  
And then you write a sketch and you film it.

Evan Berger  36:21  
And then you monetize it.

Danielle Bettmann  36:26  
I feel like you guys do have a genuine leg up and like, this is a legit question, because I'm coming from, like, a parenting coaching background. I feel like you do have a leg up because you are improv trained. There's an element of my program where I try to have parents practice and strengthen the skill of improv in parenting, because that's basically what parenting is. And you don't really have a choice, and the more that you try to, like, shut it down, it blows up in your face. 

Danielle Bettmann  36:37  
You realize how many no's you give to a kid, and it's not a good reaction.

Danielle Bettmann  37:07  
No, it kills it and it's awful. Again, you get boos from the crowd.

Evan Berger  37:12  
Yeah, that's a great analogy. It really is. So it's basically a huge improv game,

Evan Berger  37:16  
It is definitely that. I wish it was more like improv, because in improv, you do something called Object Work, where you pretend to hold a cup, and in real life, everything's wet.

Evan Berger  37:27  
Yeah, yeah, no. There's no pot. There's no cheering or laughing.

Evan Berger  37:35  
Someone is laughing somewhere.

Danielle Bettmann  37:39  
There's a parameter of how you're doing over all.

Evan Berger  37:42  
There's definitely been times where, yeah, you have to, like, shift your shift of what your game - if we're gonna stay with the improv thing - I think there's definitely a way where you have to shift your game sometimes. Because I definitely have, like, just stayed like, you know, bullish and just kind of on our road of just like, nah, this is how we're doing it. And just like, it's meltdown city, and then it's been going on for too long. You take a breath, and you go in the room, you get down on their level, and right away it's solved. And you're like, Oh, damn it. Part of me wishes this didn't work, because now I feel guilty about the last 20 minutes. It's like, I don't want my kid to be upset, but like, at the same time, if I try to go, 'Well, I tried it, nothing's working.' Yeah, then it does work. And you go, right, because you just needed, like, you look to us for emotional guidance so often, and if we're not giving it, we're not giving the right reaction to stuff, or acknowledging that you're spiraling out of control. And we're not in any way helping that. Yeah, keep going, keep spiraling out of control then, but until once we come back to the table and, like you said, understand what they're saying then, then it turns around. So it's funny, you say that. I've never, I've definitely never considered that  I did improv at first in my, like, early 20s, with my wife, and we did Upright Systems Brigade in New York, and we did that whole program, and I was fine at it. My wife was much better than me, and I was like, happy I did it when I did it. It's never too late to do it, to do improv. I definitely encourage people, whether you're in the arts or not, to do it. It's so important. We actually had a lot of lawyers doing it who had, like, no entertainment career aspects, aspirations. And they would just, they would do it because they're, like, it's a good thing to have. And now that I'm, you know, not in my early 20s, it is great. It's like, marinated with me. And it's definitely like, become a part of my life. I'm not taken off guard as much. Obviously, it's harder with children, but like, I am, like, more adaptable  to things in life, because it's just like, at any point somebody can say something wild and just be ready for it.

Danielle Bettmann  39:56  
Gotta go with it. 

Evan Berger  39:57  
Gotta go with a tool. I mean, it's like, literally, a tool, you know? Yeah, and improv, I think, where a lot of people think improv is, like, get on stage and like, say the funniest thing you can think of, and then what you eventually realize is the tool of improv is a listening tool. Like, how well are you listening to everything that's going around you so you can be involved in the game. You don't want to miss out on the game. As soon as you can insert yourself in the game, then everything gels so nicely. And, yeah, the power of literally just listening to your children is like an underestimated thing that's still even talked about. Apologizing to your children's a huge one. Listening to your children is a huge one. And we talked about this the other day as well. It's like they don't have your perspective, your adult experiences and perspective and thoughts and multitasking ideas. They know they're upset, sometimes they don't even know why, and because the world's a very confusing, scary place, and if you're losing it too, then that's no way that that's going to be solved in any healthy manner. You know, it's so important to and again, I'll say it too. It's not easy, because some moments you're like how did we go from laughing in the car to a meltdown in target? It was less than five minutes, and now we're at a 10 whiplash. Now we're in public, which is fine. That never really bothers me too much, but it's still like a thing. I'm not worried about the kid. I'm worried about the people around me. Like, all right, let's chill out here. Like, yeah, apologies everybody. Like, we'll solve this, you know. And, like, get down. That's when you can talk to them there. Like, that's if that's where that needs to happen, that's fine. You can offer them 'should we step out for a minute' but that you know, it's listening, is a huge, huge advantage as a parent, if you can learn to do that. So, yes, take improv classes.

Danielle Bettmann  41:49  
I actually drug my husband to like a six or eight week improv class, Improv 101, in Omaha, before Covid, actually. The show - I don't think I've ever been more terrified than doing the show at the end.

Evan Berger  42:03  
Yeah, it's not great. You all know, none of you are good at it. Yeah, it's 101.

Danielle Bettmann  42:08  
it's cringy in real time.

Evan Berger  42:17  
Did you have friends come to the show? 

Danielle Bettmann  42:18  
We did not invite anyone we knew. 

Evan Berger  42:20  
There you go. There you go. I knew it key move. That's what they say, like, first few times you got everyone, there, like, invite your friends and family. Like, I don't think so. Why would I just give them, like, all this ammunition against me? No, I'm not gonna do that. 

Kevin Laferriere  42:33  
They're all just sitting there the audience, going, why is everyone saying yes every five seconds?

Danielle Bettmann  42:42  
But the hardest part of it for me was when you had to, like, think of a story that was connected to this topic. Because I have ADHD and I have, like, no object permanence. I can't remember I existed five years ago, let alone like a great story that I can, like, share on this topic. So I always froze on those ones, but like the A to Z, and, you know, some of that constant kind of adaptability that I felt like, okay, this is my lane. This is why I can kind of train my brain and actually get better at this. And I see that with parenting all the time.  It makes me so happy that you named it as like, the main goal is listening. Because in my practice with parents, there's a quote that I read all the time, and it says, "the more you tell your child it's not a big deal, the more they feel like they have to escalate how big of a deal it really is to them." So often we inadvertently, like, get these blow ups because we're blowing them off,  we're not listening. We're obsessed about how much they're not listening, but we're not listening to them, and they feel like they're beating their head against the wall. And so of course, they're gonna say it louder or bigger or like, you know, just lose their ability because they're so frustrated that we're not listening. And when you practice this, it does genuinely make you listen better and actually realize what they're mad at, or actually hear what they're saying. And that's a path that you can use that then to be like, All right, I see where you're at. I get it. It's a really big deal to you. Here's the problem, though, and you actually, like, get their engagement and like, figuring it out, and it makes a huge difference, and builds your credibility and trust, and like, your whole relationship and your confidence as a parent too, when you're like, oh, wow, I actually just like, managed that, and we got out of a jam. And like, here we are later, on the other side of the backlash. And like, I feel awesome. Like there's no better feeling as a parent than getting out of that jam. 

Evan Berger  44:41  
When you get out of it, like on the first try, it's pretty, pretty magical and wonderful. I've been working on, I saw a video, I don't know how long ago that was. Evan  and I were talking yesterday, how time doesn't make sense. Time is a flat circle. It might have been last week, it might have been a year ago. It was definitely more than a week ago. But it was like, similar, pretty much in the same lane of what you're talking about, of listening and help de escalate. I remember I heard somebody say, stop saying your kids when they hurt themselves, you're okay. And I have been working on that. If I do say it, I like, adjust it really quick, because it's like, what are you talking about? Like, what an insane thing to say, like they've fallen, they've cut their knee. And I understand why we say it. They cut or scraped their knee. Your leg is not gonna fall off, the bones not broken. And even if it is, we'll set it like, the idea of like you're okay is to reassure them, but at the same time, it feels negating to their feelings of they're just like, I'm not okay right now. That hurt and is scary, and so I'm definitely not like, wow, we might, might lose the leg. No, no, don't go the other way. That's definitely, like, my big adjustment that I've worked on of, like, okay, like, it was like, how you feeling? Does it hurt, or was it scary? Things like that, like, make it a conversation more than like, you're okay, everyone's looking at you.

Danielle Bettmann  46:17  
Yes, read the room.

Evan Berger  46:20  
I was in the middle of a great story, yeah? And now this has happened, there's no way I can go back to it. 

Danielle Bettmann  46:28  
Yes, it's so true though. They're basically screaming at you, I am not okay, and you're just like, you're okay, like negating what they're saying the whole time. Yeah? 

Evan Berger  46:38  
Yes, bad improv.

Danielle Bettmann  46:44  
So can you think of a moment where you genuinely were, like, making a bid out of the moment where, for example, I at bedtime when, like, the routine is just dragging on, nobody's doing what they're supposed to be doing, and I pretend that I'm basically an alien ambassador. I've never been to Earth. Here we are. What is this? I don't understand what you do with this tool. Who are you? Where are we supposed to go? You know, where you're just like playing naive and innocent, and then all of a sudden, they're telling you everything they're supposed to be doing. And look at that. We cooperated.

Evan Berger  47:20  
I love doing bits with my kids when it comes to things like that, adjusting into, well, this isn't going to work if I just tell them to go do it. And then, yeah, playing dumb is really funny, I mean, to me, with my kids all the way down to like it was goofing around in the car, you know, turning and they were bickering back there. And it's like, Guys, come on, what's going on? And then we turn it  into something else, to where we can be laughing again. And then I say something funny, and the kids, they say it again, and I say it again, and they're like, No. And then I'm like, what do you mean? I don't get it, you know, then it's like, playing dumb to the kids. It's such a fun bit to do, to the point now my son starts doing bits where, like, make a comment on something, like, too much ketchup comes out of the bottle. It's like, whoa. You know, would you like any more ketchup? Then he'll go on it, and he'll like, go for five minutes when it's like, all right, all right. It's over, it's over, it's over. He'll explore, like, every aspect of the joke, and saying, they were having fun here, but the joke was dead like forever ago.

Evan Berger  47:23  
You just gotta go to the light switch improv and just hit the switch. Hit it back. Yeah, scene's over. Sorry,

Evan Berger  48:32  
I gotta adapt that. It's cached. We got to move on. 

Kevin Laferriere  48:35  
My son, it's funny because it definitely walks the line of like, all right, dad.  My son, he's obsessed with dinosaurs, loves them. And come bedtime, we don't do this every night, but when we do it, he loves it. It's his favorite thing. But it's probably, this is all a little manipulative, but whatever we got to get to bed, and he's like, no, I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to go to bed. I don't want anybody go to bed. And I was like, Do you guys hear that? I was like, I think there's a T Rex around the corner. And then he's like, Oh no. And then I just like, pretend to be a T Rex and start, like, slowly chasing him down the halls, roaring at him. And he's laughing the whole way. But like, the rule is, if he's changing into pajamas, the T Rex doesn't need him. Doesn't make any sense. But he follows the rules. And then he gets there, and then by the time I get to the dresser, he says, freeze, and I have to freeze. And then you stay in dinosaur for me. Then he gets dressed. And it's like, this is great. In my head. I'm like, it works, yeah, whatever. 

Evan Berger  49:37  
Like, whatever works. It's not yelling and, like, he's laughing. 

Danielle Bettmann  49:43  
It's a win.

Evan Berger  49:44  
It's a win.

Danielle Bettmann  49:45  
Which parenting book did you find that in?

Evan Berger  49:48  
I think the the mighty book of frustrations. I think I just  did it one night, and I was like, that went way better than I expected. 

Evan Berger  49:57  
That was at the bottom of the barrel. When I tried everything else, it didn't work. And it's like, all right, what do you want me to be a dinosaur?

Danielle Bettmann  50:03  
Yeah, I'm sure there's some inspirational quote about how desperation creates innovation or something. 

Evan Berger  50:10  
That's what my friend actually has that. And he said, I love when my kids tell me 'I'm bored', And it's like, oh, great, because some of the most important innovations and inventions of our lifetime have come from being bored. So I'm really excited to see what you come up with. Especially when there's like, you know, you could play a video game. How much time you got? I could list 1000 things in a row that you could be doing right now. But he just lays it on like, Oh, that's fantastic news. 

Evan Berger  50:11  
But if I was the kid and that dad said that to me, yeah, now I'm back to the Radio Flyer with my daughter. I was like, well, now I'm not going to create anything ever, because I'm so annoyed that you said that.

Evan Berger  50:20  
See what I invent now. 

Kevin Laferriere  51:04  
That's when we're like, oh, I'm so glad my kid is like me. This is so fun.

Evan Berger  51:11  
You could do anything you want. They're gonna be just like you.

Danielle Bettmann  51:13  
Yeah, like it or not. There's a game we would play where we just, like, you know, create a fantasy where, when they won't, like, stop hyper fixating about something that's not going their way, or they don't want to do something. Like, it's bath time and we're not going to get out of bath time. It is bath time. But they just, like, won't belabor the point that they don't want to take a bath. Well, it's like, what if we never had to take baths? That'd be great. What if we just had, like, a button on our bodies, and, like, when we press the button. Boom, we were clean, yeah. Where would your button be? I would put mine on my elbow. Well, the problem with that would be, and you just took, like, your elbow. I mean, we could have it maybe on my glasses or, you know, then you're talking the whole time that you're just like, silently taking their clothes off and filling the bath anyway, oh, look at that. Yeah, we played out this whole fantasy about not having a bath while we're still getting a bath. And, you know, should not be mistaken, they're not getting out of the bath. Don't have to get so angry about making them enjoy it or get excited about it, right? Those really playful ways where you can just continue to build momentum.

Evan Berger  52:23  
It's all the transitions. Once they're in there, we're good there, then they don't want to get out. 

Kevin Laferriere  52:29  
That was gonna be one of the things that it's like, endlessly frustrating as a parent, that there's no real like,  when it's like, it took 15 minutes to convince them to get in the bath, whatever method worked, you know, playing the game or whatever. But it's still, it was, like, it took 20 minutes, and all I want to do is, hey, can you go take a bath? Great, you know, yeah. And then they're in there for 90 minutes, and you can't convince them to get out of the bath. It's like, oh, man, you only knew my friend had behaved like that. Probably wouldn't be friends very long. Yeah? 

Danielle Bettmann  52:59  
The emotional abuse, yeah, the toxicity in this relationship, yeah.

Evan Berger  53:05  
Can we go out? Let's go out. I want to, I don't want to go out. Come on, let's go out. Love one, drink one, and it's like we gotta go in the morning, like we gotta go home, go have fun. That's a friend with a different problem. 

Danielle Bettmann  53:15  
We should maybe have a serious conversation, but we can play out the fantasy too as parents of like, Wouldn't it be so nice if our kids just said yes every time we ask them to do something? Oh, that would be so great. Yeah. The problem is, I don't know energy both ways. We either spend it getting really frustrated and then picking up the pieces after the meltdown, and it takes time, and it takes energy, and we have a hangover, or we put in the effort in the front end, we put the effort in, and we're playful, and then we get it done. And it's usually in less time. But we have to remind ourselves, we have to get, like, a pep talk about it, and when you do, I swear it is still the high, the best high when you can High Five your kid and be on the same team coming out of that bathroom, rather than, yeah, worst enemies,  Just feeling like, wow, I need to give up on this. 

Evan Berger  54:12  
Yeah, you're right. It would be nice if they just did everything you asked as soon as you asked, whatever. But that's like, it would be nice. But that doesn't exist, that does not exist.

Danielle Bettmann  54:20  
Make peace with that reality. And if your kid dies, that's almost kind of concerning, like you should check on them.

Evan Berger  54:28  
If you really develop a good relationship with your kids, and once in a while, when you really do need to ask them, hey, look, I need you to, like, kind of be on my team right now. And we got to get this done right now. They're usually kind of game for that if, yeah, much more of the relationship has been built on we are a team. Yes, I help you. You help me. When you're feeling down, I'm going to help you and everything. And then, hey, listen, teammate, I got to ask you this. We need to go to Target and get something. We have five minutes. Okay, yep, we got to go in there and come out. Okay. Do you think we could do it? Do you think we could do it? No, yeah, I don't either. But sometimes, if you rarely ask that thing of them, then it's not really to be expected of them, but their game to try it, you know, and to try to get it done, that becomes the new mission. And they're always excited for a mission, you know, 

Danielle Bettmann  55:20  
And you're matching expectations, and you're kind of setting them up to kind of prep them for what to expect when you're in there. So you're, of course going to get them even more enlisted and getting it done, as opposed to no conversation beforehand. All of a sudden they're just asking out of curiosity, can I have this toy? Can we go look at this? And you're just constantly like, how did you not read my mind? I'm on a time crunch. 

Evan Berger  55:43  
Yeah, the brisk walking. It wasn't a giveaway for you. Come on, right?

Danielle Bettmann  55:50  
Read my non verbals. Not good leadership.

Evan Berger  55:54  
I know you can't even read, but focus on this for a second. 

Danielle Bettmann  56:00  
We're constantly expecting them to have a little bit more emotional maturity.

Kevin Laferriere  56:06  
Yeah, the same thing we appreciate about them being so naive and innocent about everything is the same thing we get annoyed at them about. Why don't they know better? Because they don't. They literally don't know better. 

Danielle Bettmann  56:18  
And how many times do we need to remember that like we should know better at this point.

Kevin Laferriere  56:22  
Yeah, that's the thing. You should know better, that they don't know better.

Danielle Bettmann  56:27  
So who knew I was gonna pull such good, uh, parenting, like, legit parenting advice out of you guys. Here we are.

Kevin Laferriere  56:35  
We're not certified. Don't sue us.

Evan Berger  56:37  
 know that's the thing we always say. People say, like, who has good advice? Or I really learned something like, well, listen, we fail. So you don't have to. That's what we do over here. So if you consider any of it good advice, we appreciate this. But it's not like, that's easy.

Kevin Laferriere  56:55  
It's currently in testing.

Danielle Bettmann  56:59  
The most TBD, don't hold us to it. That's fair. Are there any other content creators or comedians out there right now that you are big fans of? 

Kevin Laferriere  57:12  
That are like in the parenting space?

Danielle Bettmann  57:14  
Anywhere. Who should we be following? Listening? Who's got new specials out?

Evan Berger  57:18  
Oh, new specials. Oh, let me think for a second.

Danielle Bettmann  57:21  
I know I'm really putting you on the spot. 

Kevin Laferriere  57:21  
I know I don't have to really think about it.

Evan Berger  57:24  
Seems like an easy choice, but I'll throw this out there as the first one on barges. Really funny. Nate Bargatz, really funny.

Kevin Laferriere  57:29  
Jason at the Greek recently, was great. Tom

Evan Berger  57:33  
Tom Papa's hilarious. He's got always kind of a funny perspective, a perspective of the dad perspective. I don't know. I kind of just like hearing about it, hearing about fatherhood, the experience of fatherhood, showing that it's that they're involved. I don't know.

Kevin Laferriere  57:50  
Yeah, the new takes on it are always so fun. I feel like that is what is being explored more in comedy, is like moms and dads are both, like, comedically, kind of exploring outside of the tropes of, like, mom is just a miserable mess and dad is, like, we have two of them, so it is nice to hear the more involved humor, and that's why we like, Bargatze and stuff like that.

Evan Berger  58:17  
We were talking about this like, he's on the line of a little bit of, like, Dumb Dad, like, uninvolved, but the stuff that he does, it's more about like him, but I like the self defecating part of his comedy about himself. And he's like, look, I just don't, I don't know. He admits. He's like, I don't know. I don't know anything.

Danielle Bettmann  58:35  
It is saying into that, like, I don't know where my kid goes to school, and if they called me, I wouldn't know what their teacher's name is. That kind of trope. 

Evan Berger  58:49  
To be honest, that is like the thing that was like sparked us to like call ourselves the Dumb Dad. It's like, one of our inside jokes is like, you want to see my impression of a dad on TV, and they basically just make fart noises, because that's the dad that we saw on TV for so long. And it just felt like that just feels old like that. I don't want to see that anymore. Let's not do that. It's triggering the amount of weaponized incompetence that is involved in that. It's like, when you really understand what that is and what that means and everything, it's like that is so damaging in so many ways, to just, well, you're better at this than I am, so that's another thing you can put on your plate, and I would just mess it up. You know? It's like, oh, man, that's not even fair to the person that you promised to be a teammate too. Yeah, right in the very beginning of what you signed up for, you know? And so that kind of stuff is always just like we have, we're not, we're not down for that.

Danielle Bettmann  59:49  
Yeah, no, for good reason. And, and I do feel like we've made so much progress, and there's always so much more to go. 

Evan Berger  59:58  
Yeah for sure, for sure. And then you see a video that has that completely written all over it, and it's got like, you know, 3 million likes, and you're like, Oh, come on, you guys. Yeah, come on, you guys.

Danielle Bettmann  1:00:08  
So close and so far, yeah. So is there anything that we didn't touch on that you're gonna be able to, like, encourage parents on, or anything that you like to remind parents of every time you get a chance?

Kevin Laferriere  1:00:21  
I would like to remind parents you're doing better than you think you are. I feel like it's just so easy to kind of knock yourself down of how badly something went. I mean, you don't like to play on the cliche too much. If you didn't care, you wouldn't think about it. But like there's some truth to that, and you are doing a better job than you think. It's so hard. It's easy to say to your friends when you're sitting around having coffee or whatever, like, Oh my God. Like Instagram and Tiktok is all like lies. But then when you're on there and scrolling and you're seeing, like, all these magical moments of these parents just crushing it, you know, it can get frustrating, annoying, but it's like, no, they're in the trenches too. They just don't choose to show it. And you know, you're doing a better job than you think you are. You're the parent you wish you were already. 

Evan Berger  1:01:10  
Yeah, I would say that's, that's a fantastic one. I would say, you know, kind of like you said it before. It's going to take energy either way. So why not choose the fun route? Make it fun. Yeah, find the fun of that. Find the fun. That's what I would say.

Danielle Bettmann  1:01:22  
Yeah, as we're tying it in a bow, how do listeners follow you as a result of listening to you here? 

Evan Berger  1:01:29  
Across pretty much, I mean, most social media platforms, Instagram, Tiktok, YouTube, we are known as the Dumb Dads. @thedumbdads we are on our podcast, the Dumb Dad Podcast is pretty much on most platforms you listen to podcasts.

Danielle Bettmann  1:01:47  
If Tiktok is still around.

Kevin Laferriere  1:01:50  
@thedumbdad somewhere else.

Evan Berger  1:01:55  
We all know we're the Dumb Dads.

Danielle Bettmann  1:01:59  
And so the last question I ask every guest that I have on is, how are you the parent your kids need?

Kevin Laferriere  1:02:05  
I would say I hope I'm the parent my kids need. Because, as we touched on briefly before, I think it's important to show your kids you're human, and that is a big thing that I do, where we pull them aside, not just necessarily to always just apologize, but to explain what we're going through, what we're doing. It's not really a dig on my parents, but it was always kind of the mentor role, which is important. I always saw them as just like mom and dad and they and they were, they were in charge of me and in charge of the other things, and not that I'm not going to play that role, but I want to show them like, I too, am a person, not somebody I was, like, needs or whatever, but like, I'm also figuring this out. Like you're figuring out this. I'm figuring out this. So like, I've never had a kid who's played baseball before, so I'm also navigating the frustrations of whatever you're having, and just like let's both be patient with each other and check in regularly as two human beings. But no, you do have to go to bed. 

Evan Berger  1:03:10  
Having said that, yes, your pajamas are on backwards. I am the father to my kids that they need by,  I will say this by learning as I go, as best I can, always admitting to mistakes I made, by apologizing to them, like Kevin said, that is not my word is, end all, be all or I am not the only example in your life. I am a very close and major resource to you, and I will offer you whatever you need if you need advice or a listening ear or whatever, but making sure I try to meet them on their level without any judgment or any you know, coming into with a pre opinion of what's going on or what they're about to say, and just really trying to meet them at their level. First, and then go from there. So being their teammate, as well as a manager when I need to be, but as well as much of a teammate as I can be to them.

Danielle Bettmann  1:04:14  
That's so so well worded. I mean, they're clearly lucky to have you. And again, legit advice behind that, because there is invulnerability, like a very attractive form of leadership, where you trust people and follow them more when you feel like they're being real with you, and when we try to, like, put on this front of, like, I know everything I have it all together. Like, listen to me, it's like kids can see right through that. So the more that you genuinely are, just genuine and like, I've never done this before, either, they're like, oh, okay, let me help you out too, and we can do this together. And that's a way better way of going about it. 

Evan Berger  1:04:57  
That was one of the most real perspectives to gain as a parent, when you realize, like, oh, we have even more information available to us because of the internet, like the world of parenting is, in some days, in some ways, overwhelmingly too much information, but we have access to so much more information than even our parents did, and I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing all the time. So, oh, they didn't know what they were doing, either, right? And neither did their parents, neither did their parents.

Danielle Bettmann  1:05:25  
When does the grown up part of adulthood kick in? 

Evan Berger  1:05:27  
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, still waiting.

Kevin Laferriere  1:05:29  
Gotta wear more button downs.

Danielle Bettmann  1:05:32  
It's the uniform. 

Kevin Laferriere  1:05:35  
Still in sweats. It's a pickup outfit.

Danielle Bettmann  1:05:40  
Well, thank you guys so much. This was great. I could keep picking your brain forever, but I really appreciate your time. I really appreciate all the resources, your content. Keep it up, because we really do need that outlet. We need to be able to make fun of ourselves and know that we're not alone. And I know I can. I can trust you to put that out there, and we can just all say me too, my kid too, and be able to laugh about it. So thanks for being on Failing Motherhood and thanks for joining me today.

Evan Berger  1:06:05  
Thank you for having us.

Danielle Bettmann  1:06:12  
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now and share it in your Instagram stories and tag me. If you're loving the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood on a daily basis, and if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong willed child, and invest in the support you need to make it happen. Schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on.