Managing Halloween Candy + Holiday Sweets with Nicole Cruz, RD

T minus 2 days until a candy avalanche is at our doorsteps!

Thankfully, my guest today, Nicole Cruz, RD is here to take some weight off our shoulders.

Nicole is the founder of Nourish Together, a shame-free approach to family nutrition. As a Registered Dietitian and mom of three, Nicole supports parents in raising confident eaters who can eat a variety, listen to their body cues, and not obsess over sweets or other ‘treats’.

We start off our conversation naming many of the understandable fears around sugar, and how sometimes our fears end up exacerbating the fascination! Nicole shares two really important factors that help take sugar off it’s pedestal and teach an intuitive eating approach. She then gave a lot of practical advice for managing all the holiday sweets to come, Halloween and beyond.

IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...

• What to do if your child is OBSESSED with sweets
• The enemies of intuitive eating - scarcity and restriction
• What one word matters most in our language around food

DON'T MISS-

• Whether or not she recommends using the “Switch Witch” or other trades for Halloween candy

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Website: nicolecruzrd.com
Instagram: @‌nicolecruzrd

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Transcript

Nicole Cruz  0:00  
So that's what I mean by that intuitive relationship, where they actually can attune to what their body is telling them, and say, "I've had enough. I'm feeling satisfied. I'm feeling full. I don't want this anymore." They can self-regulate in that way when we give them the space and the opportunity to do that.

Danielle Bettmann  0:24  
Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood, I mean. Have too much anxiety and not enough patience? Too much yelling, not enough play? There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right, but this is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you, you feel like you're screwing everything up, and you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud - this podcast is for you.

Danielle Bettmann  0:57  
This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann, and each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real, showing her insecurities, her fears, her failures, and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough, and you're not alone. I hope you pop in earbuds, somehow sneak away, and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here friend, we're so glad you're here.

Danielle Bettmann  1:34  
Hey, it's Danielle. Halloween is just two days away, and good parents everywhere are understandably worried about managing the incoming onslaught of sugar from trick-or-treating. Thankfully, my guest today, Nicole Cruz, is here to take some weight off your shoulders and the pressure off so you can enjoy Halloween just as much as your kids. Nicole is the founder of Nourish Together, a shame-free approach to family nutrition. As a Registered Dietitian and mom of three, she combines her personal and professional experience to support parents in raising confident eaters who can eat a variety, listen to their body cues, and not obsess over sweets or other treats. She believes the foundation of healthy eating is first having a healthy relationship with food, and that together, we can bring more joy and less stress to the table.

Danielle Bettmann  2:22  
We start off our conversation today by naming many of the understandable fears around sugar and how sometimes we fear that end up exacerbating the fascination. Nicole shared two really important factors that help take sugar off its pedestal and teach a more intuitive eating approach. Then we narrowed in on the night of the holiday and what she professionally recommends for how to handle the candy when you get home, whether or not she recommends the Switch Witch, and what it looks like to encourage Intuitive Eating year round. Please enjoy this conversation with Nicole and happy trick or treating.

Danielle Bettmann  3:07  
Welcome to Failing Motherhood. My name is Danielle Bettmann, and on this episode, I'm joined by Nicole Cruz, Registered Dietitian, and Sweets Expert, we just came across each other, actually, but I wanted to invite her on for a super quick bonus episode of Failing Motherhood, since Halloween is here and we are just stressed about all of the chocolate that is about to ensue. So welcome Nicole. Thank you so much for joining me real quick today.

Nicole Cruz  3:35  
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here and talk all things you know, sweets, Halloween candy, all of it.

Danielle Bettmann  3:42  
Okay, so before we dive in quickly, just introduce yourself to my listeners. Who are you and who's in your family?

Nicole Cruz  3:50  
I'm Nicole Cruz. I am a Registered Dietitian and Parent Nutrition Coach. I have a brick and mortar business seeing clients one to one, and now I have an online practice, really specializing in helping parents raise their kids to have a healthy relationship with food, from veggies to sweets, all foods included. I just celebrated my 16th anniversary. So I've been married 16 years to my husband.  I have three kids who are now 7, 10, and 12 years old. 

Danielle Bettmann  4:23  
Awesome. Well, you're a perfect fit for being able to help us with some of these fears. So I want to just dive in right away. What are some of the common fears that your clients and parents have, especially when it comes to desserts and sweets and sugar in general?

Nicole Cruz  4:43  
Yeah, I mean, I think there's two. Well, it's kind of like the physical health piece. So a lot of parents are just really worried about the health of sugar, that it's going to cause diabetes, that it's going to make their kids unhealthy. We get so much messaging around - oh, it's toxic and it's poisonous, and it's creating all of these health issues for us. So they're really worried that if their child has too much of it, then they're going to be unhealthy physically. And then they're also worried about how to manage it, in the sense of, like, if their kid eats it, they're never going to stop eating it, that they're going to have too much of it, that it's addictive in nature. They're worried that, you know, that their taste buds are going to get used to that, and they're just going to keep wanting, like more and more of it. The other side of that is, parents are also worried about making it a bigger issue than it is. So they just feel kind of stuck on how to manage it all, because they don't want to create that forbidden fruit effect, but they also don't know what else to do, because they're worried about the health implications of it.

Danielle Bettmann  5:50  
Are there also parents who feel like there's a correlation between their child's sugar intake and then their behavior afterward?

Nicole Cruz  5:59  
Yes, that's a huge one around feeling like they're hyperactive sometimes, which can be part of it, or that they just have meltdowns, that they act like a different child when they have too much sugar. So absolutely, and especially when that comes into play, like, well, then I don't want them to have it at night or before they go to bed, or I just don't want them to have too much at the birthday party or whatever, because then I have to deal with that all afternoon, you know? So, yes. 

Danielle Bettmann  6:24  
For parents that are having these thoughts and these fears and going down these rabbit holes of research, what do you want to just validate for them, as in, like, it's understandable and you're already asking good questions as a parent?

Nicole Cruz  6:43  
Yeah, I always say, I know that everything's with the best of intentions, right? We love our children. We want the best for them. We want them to be happy, to be healthy, to feel good in their bodies, all of that. So it makes so much sense. You are a loving and caring parent who wants to do this right, who wants to help your kid both be able to be around sugar and sweets and not be crazy or obsessive to eat the amount that feels good, and you want them to feel good and be healthy in their body and have energy and to grow and thrive. So I understand that you know, and again, we're always just doing our best with the information that we have at any given moment. There's so much to sort through in this culture. Like I said before, sugar is just like out there. I mean, I've had an assignment come home from school that was like, sugar is toxic. Sugar is poison. So we're getting this message from the pediatrician, from teachers, from coaches, from, you know, the media everywhere, about how horrible sugar is and how we need to limit it and manage it. So yeah, I just want to say it's confusing. It's really hard to know how to best do it. So I feel that for the parents, and honestly, I'm a parent of three kids myself, trying to navigate this culture. So like, I get it too, you know? I mean, I feel confident in my approach at this point on how I do it, but I relate and understand what we're working with. 

Danielle Bettmann  8:13  
Yes, and so thank you for taking that moment and that being said, what do you really love to be able to share with parents to kind of abate some of those fears, as in, are there some myths that you can help debunk and add clarity to all of the conflicting information they might have been exposed to already? 

Nicole Cruz  8:35  
Yeah, and I know this is kind of a short ish podcast episode, and we can't really deep dive into some of it quite as much and some of it might sound a little bit controversial, so I just want to put that out that I hope that you can kind of open your ears and maybe take a little bit of this in and not shut it down when it feels like, oh my gosh I'm so clear that sugar is horrible and we shouldn't have it and all of that, to maybe just open up and say, like, okay, what if you know we could handle it or think about it in a different way? I want to say the number one thing is that oftentimes our fears around sugar actually perpetuate the issues that we're so worried about happening, and that's the biggest thing that I see. I have parents come to me all the time and say, my kid is obsessed with sweets. That's all they would eat if I let them, I have to cut them off. I've had parents coming to me saying they will eat so much that they'll vomit. You know, they're just really obsessive with sweets. Once we start handling sugar in a different way, their kid does not have the same quote, unquote, addictive behavior that they were seeing. So a lot of it is actually in the dynamics with sweets and how we are parenting around it. Then sugar actually being this molecule that creates all of this, that it's toxic and it's poison, and it's horrendous, it's addictive, all of that, it's really actually in the dynamics around it. The number one thing that I say is most important is actually our children's relationship with sugar, and how we are interacting with it, how we're talking about it, that's creating some of these dynamics. So I can talk more about that. But do you have any like, thoughts, questions or follow up around that?

Danielle Bettmann  10:22  
I completely agree that it's always the things that we don't want to see more of as a parent, that we end up fixating on, and then that does end up creating this self-fulfilling prophecy in the wrong direction. I talked to parents about this, about things like lying or, you know, things like saying bad words, the bigger a deal we make it, the bigger deal it is to our kids. It's like this rolling ball of momentum, and it is creating exactly what we were fearing in the first place. So I relate to you describing it as it's not the molecule itself that's like this big evil force, but it's the relationship to it and how it's kind of the whole PR campaign around it. So I think that that's a really important thing to clarify. What is the goal? I think I've heard you use the term intuitive eating. Can you describe what that end goal that we have for our kids is that we want to focus on?

Nicole Cruz  11:33  
So I talk about that kind of in the sense of all food, but when it comes to sweets I can give you the example of my kids who have access to sugar. Let me say this too, again, I know, you know, we're keeping this kind of concise, so I'm not going to go into all of the pieces around it. I believe that as parents, we should parent with food. We should have some guidelines. We should have some structure to it. We are not just saying, eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and I don't care, it's hands off. It creates a supportive structure around it but does not make sugar like the forbidden fruit. We don't want to deem it that way, right? We are just talking about the energy around it, all of that. So what I can say is, with the structure that we put in place around it, like I will see my kids get candy at the baseball snack bar and have some of it and then hand it back to me and say, I'm done. I've had enough. I don't want anymore. Can you save this for me or throw three-quarters of the slushie away? Because they're just like, oh, it's too sweet. I don't want it anymore, right? It's not just my kids. I've helped, you know, hundreds of parents with this, at this point, do the same thing. So the way that we are setting that up, so that's what I mean by that intuitive relationship, where they actually can attune to what their body is telling them and say, I've had enough. I'm feeling satisfied. I'm feeling full. I don't want this anymore, and that they can self-regulate in that way when we give them the space and the opportunity to do that. Again, I know that parents are saying, like, absolutely not my kid, my kid would never do that, unless I cut them off, right? Unless I stop them. Again, I'm not saying that we should make it a free-for-all, because sweets do taste good, and kids sometimes will just gravitate towards that because it's easy. It's easier to open up a package of candy than it is to go cut up an apple or they see it and it looks good at the moment like you do want to support them around that. I'm not saying that, but when allowed within the structure to say, okay, here we're having some cookies tonight, or whatever it might be, that is when they have that more neutral and balanced relationship with sweets because they know they're not off limits. They're allowed to have them regularly, which doesn't mean every single meal and snack, but they're allowed to have them regularly so that they can stop when they've had enough because they know they're not going anywhere.

Danielle Bettmann  13:56  
Yeah, so talk more about that concept of when we tell them they can't have it, then it's all they want. What are the goals that help take it off the pedestal, that is kind of the opposite of that forbidden fruit mentality?

Nicole Cruz  14:16  
Yeah, so it's kind of like anything, right? Just our human behavior when we tell our kids that they can't have something they want to even more. I went to this preschool. It was kind of like a co-op style preschool with all of my kids, and so parents had to work in class part of the time, some of the days, and we were taught around conflict resolution, you know. So we'd have two kids sitting there, both wanting the same toy, and we'd work out this whole plan about, okay, well, she wants to have it for two minutes, and then you get right? We'd have the kids need this, and we'd set up the structure. Then the one kid is like, okay, it's my turn, and as soon as they have the toy, they're like, I don't want to play with it any further. But when it's like, this battle between both of them wanting it, they're just going to dig their heels in more and more, because the other kid wants it too, and that's the same with us when it comes to sweets. If we're like, no, you can't have it. You're not allowed to have it, they just fixate on wanting to get it even more and more, and now they're reacting to that limit. They're reacting to a sense of restriction and scarcity, instead of attuning to their body cues to say, do I even want it? How much have I had? Have I had enough? Do I feel good in my body? So that's what I mean by that, like reactive nature around it to just dig in and want it more and more and more. I think you asked around like, well, how do we kind of take it off of that pedestal, or not make it be on that pedestal? So one of the things is availability. We do have to give them access to sweets and not just say you can only have it at parties or something, and then we don't bring it into our home. If we don't bring it into our homes ever, we are creating the sense that it's this food that we're not allowed to have now that looks different for everybody. Some families do dessert every single night, and that works for them. Other families do it a couple of times a week, and it's just not a big deal. So it isn't hard and fast, you need to have sweets this often, this many times, right? Parents sometimes really want to have those specific guidelines or rules. Well, how much is too much? Or how much should I be doing it? I do tell parents if their kid seems obsessive about it, I do recommend trying to include some sort of sweet at least once a day, so that they're getting used to like, nope, you are allowed to have it, whether that's putting cookies in the lunch box or having something, you know, brownies with dinner or scoop of ice cream or whatever it might be. That we're making it more accessible and saying, like, we'll have more again tomorrow. We can say that, right? We will have more again tomorrow. So we're really showing them it's coming again and again. So part of it is access. Now, some parents will say, well, my kid gets sweets all the time, and they're still obsessive about it. Part of it is also the language that we're using around it. Are we giving them sugar but saying, we really shouldn't be eating this? It's unhealthy. You shouldn't have too much. You know, if you want to have sweets, then you need to eat your broccoli first. Are we bribing with it? Are we taking it away as a punishment or using it as a reward? So some of it is, we might be giving it to them regularly. They do have access, but it's the way that we're talking about it, the way we're making them earn it, the energy around it that also can create that sense of still scarcity around it, that sense of deprivation, or like, I have to earn it. Yeah, so it could be both pieces. One is access, the other is the way that we're like, navigating it and setting it up. I always ask parents, even if you're not sure, I want you to think about how your child might feel about it. Do they feel like sugar's just another food they're allowed to have, it's not that big of a deal or not. You know, so like your kid's energy around it, the way you think they feel about it will give you a lot of clues about that too.

Danielle Bettmann  17:52  
That is so true, because the intentions we have, and even maybe some of you, the messaging we're using might not at all be the way that it feels on their end, or what they hear. What's more important is not just our good intentions, but what actually is the message that's coming across and the story they're telling themselves, and the way that they feel like their reactions or behaviors is justified and necessary and appropriate based on the culture we've created around it. It's always much more complex than just, you know, a one time explanation about our family's policy around this. I love being able to kind of name that nuance, because sometimes you do just need to zoom out and kind of get in their shoes and think about it in a little bit of a different lens so that we can find that missing piece of why can't we seem to get, to the other side of this, or kind of break through the vicious cycle that it seems like I get into, and I'm a broken record of explaining this to my kid. Love that point. So true. Now diving even deeper into Halloween is just in a couple days. What do you suggest as to how parents can help feel good about how they handle candy that night and beyond?

Nicole Cruz  19:13  
So the first thing is, on Halloween night, I do recommend that you don't have any like, limits or guardrails around it because they just went out and they got all of this candy, and it feels really exciting. Picking some arbitrary amount they can have, I've heard parents say, I heard you should do as many pieces of it as they are old, or just like some random number or something. They're like, I can only have two pieces? Or I can only have five pieces like they just got all this candy that they're so excited about. So I do recommend on Halloween night allowing them to just have their candy and not put limits or guidelines or anything around how much. A couple of things I like to do to support that, though, is, serve dinner before you go out trick or treating. Sometimes they're so excited they're not going to eat much, but keep that dinner out for when you get home or warm some solid food up and don't choose a meal that your kids just kind of like, get pizza, get something that you want to eat that you're not going to be like, oh, it's the chicken casserole they sometimes eat and sometimes hate, right? Choose something they like, so that you're giving them some solid food in their system, so they're not so hungry that they truly just want to fill up on candy, from a physiological perspective, you know? So try to feed them a good meal. I like to put like, a receptacle out or something that's saying, if you don't like a candy, or if you try it and you don't want it, throw it in here. Show them you have a place to get rid of it. If there's a trading pile, if there's something you don't like, put it in the trading pile. Put the trash here. I noticed that my kids sometimes will do that. They will take a bite and be like, I don't like this. They see the trash right there. It's easier to just throw it in and say, like, nope, I just want to try a bite of that one, then I want to try a bite of this one. A bite of this one, then I want to try a bite of this one. But they're not all the bars. They're just excited at the variety and kind of trying it all. So when they have that visual reminder there, they can toss it in if they want. So I like to put out something like that. I remind them, you know, and we don't want to harp on this. So I'm always hesitant, because if you would put a lot of pressure on your kids around candy in the past or limited. You stepping in and saying something might make them feel like you're trying to restrict it. So we don't want to harp on them. Like, just listen to your body. Just listen to your body. Just listen to like, where they're like, stop talking to me, right? Stop talking to me. But it's not a bad thing to be able to say. Or if they come to you and say, can I have more? Sure, you can just check in with your tummy, you know, how are you feeling? Right? Or to give them that little reminder of, you know, hey, just check in with your tummy to see how much you want. We're going to be able to have more tomorrow. Just remind them of those things too. So there's that. I know some people engage in like the Switch Witch and will take the candy and pretend like the magical witch is going to come take it away and trade it in for a toy, or they donate it. I'm not inherently opposed to that if the child wants to do that and they're like, I don't like these candies. Let me get rid of those candies and if you want to swap them for a book or something, great. I don't like using it as a tool to restrict your child's candy, make them get rid of it, or anything like that. So I say that because if you want to engage in this, you could tell them, oh, we're going to do the Switch Witch or something. So if there's candy you don't like, put it in this pile over here, and then we can swap it out for a toy or something, or a book, yeah? But we don't want to do it with you're only allowed to choose five pieces, and then guess what? We're going to put it out for the Switch Witch if that makes sense. That distinguishing piece, so we could do something like put all the ones you don't want here, and we can trade them or something like that, or do trading for a toy or something.

Danielle Bettmann  22:59  
Yeah.

Nicole Cruz  23:00  
Any thoughts about that first night though? I can talk more about how to handle it moving forward.

Danielle Bettmann  23:04  
I'm so glad you brought that up because I think even the worst case is doing that type of swap without their consent at all, as in, they wake up the next morning and then all the candy is gone and switched out, or, you know, given to someone else. I think that you do lose a lot of trust. What are we winning when we're willing to kind of put that parent-child relationship in jeopardy, just to try to manipulate the cards? What we're hoping this conversation can do is just open your eyes enough to take that pressure and that weight off your shoulders from feeling like how you manage sugar in your home is such a huge responsibility that you need to go to these lengths to get it out of your house or to get it out of your conversations. Instead, we want you to just feel comfortable with it and to know that it's just one aspect of their life that the more neutrally and normally we can talk about and handle and integrate into day-to-day life, the better because otherwise we're giving it more power than it needs to have, and that's going to do us a do disservice, because now we're fighting, in an uphill battle against that idea of the scarcity and the uncertainty around it, because then it's just creating this pedestal and this fascination. So go ahead and dive into more of kind of the future.

Nicole Cruz  24:40  
Yeah, and I'm so glad you said that, Danielle, because I have parents say,  I feel irresponsible as a parent if I'm letting my kids have all of these sweets or all the sugar. I think it's so important to recognize, like, actually what you're doing is you're building trust in the relationship. You're letting them know sugar is available. That's not irresponsible. They're going to have a lifetime of learning to manage food, including sugar and sweets. So that's not irresponsible. You trying to control it. You're trying to set them up for success. I'm so glad you touched on that piece because I think it's confusing again, going back to, like, it's so hard, and we want to do the best for them, you know.

Danielle Bettmann  25:19  
We do. Yeah, but we'd hate for their first time, you know, understanding what it looks like to eat to the point of being full of sweets is like when they go off to college or something, right?

Nicole Cruz  25:30  
Yeah, I think just exactly why on the night of if they do get over full, or they do get a stomachache or something, that's just a learning experience. That's something for them to be able to go like, oh, that didn't feel so great, you know. I've had my kids say that, get the Easter basket, eat a lot, and say, oh, my tummy hurts. I've heard them repeat that, like, then they've gotten a bag of candy a few days later, maybe the other one did, and I specifically remember my son telling my other son remember when I ate all of that Easter candy? You probably don't want to eat it too fast, you know, like they remember that from their experiences. They're going to remember far more than us, lecturing and controlling and all of that. So yeah, it's okay if they do eat more than feels good, they're going to learn from that more than us, just like cutting them off or limiting it. 

Danielle Bettmann  26:22  
I feel like that is a permission slip, and that's gonna feel good for parents to hear, you know, very reassuring if they have felt like they are, you know, that parent that's not doing enough. So is there any other language that you can kind of offer as examples of how to handle some of those conversations going forward? 

Nicole Cruz  26:41  
Yeah, well, one of the things I would say is what not to do. I always like to check in on the kind of like, we don't want to say things like, you've had enough, or you shouldn't have anymore, or it's too much, things like that that suggest it's bad. They shouldn't be eating it, that sort of thing. Instead, we want to remind them there will always be more. You can always have more tomorrow. We want to treat it neutrally like candy is just a different food group. I love the word variety when talking about food. So instead of saying like, you need more of this, or you should have this, or this is healthy, this is unhealthy, we can talk about how our body needs a variety of nutrients. If we only ate candy that wouldn't feel good in our body, and we wouldn't get the nutrients we needed, just like if we only ate broccoli, we wouldn't get the nutrients that we needed, and we wouldn't feel good in our body. So we need a variety of nutrients as well in a variety of different foods. So I think it's pointing them back to check in with their body, saying things like, I trust you to eat the amount that you need or that you want, to talk about variety, and to avoid any sort of arbitrary judgment. We say, just call says what it is, call it candy, or call it sweets. It's sweet. That's a concrete term for kids, it's sweet, yeah, versus some arbitrary, this is a sometimes food, or this is a fun food. What does that mean? And why can't strawberries be fun? You know? I don't like these arbitrary terms. We just want to use concrete, either descriptors to describe how it tastes or what it looks like or an actual specific food group, fruit, vegetable, meat, grain, like that sort of thing.

Danielle Bettmann  28:21  
Yeah, yeah. Variety. I feel like that's a great one. Sometimes we talk about just balance, you know, how what have we had today? How many different foods have we eaten today? I'm continually surprised by my kids, honestly, being 10 and 11, how they're able to moderate where we do have access to a lot of things. We just made it an excessive amount of caramel apples, because we got a ton of apples from the orchard, and they're just sitting on the counter and have been. They're covered in M&M's and chocolate chips and nuts. They're asking for one every other day, you know, to eat one after school and it's just normal. They're just sitting there. We're all just kind of finding, at times, to eat them. They had fudge at school because they made this, like a homemade recipe that's like teamwork, you know, it's a whole thing. So it's like, friendship fudge day, and they were so excited to come home with friendship fudge. Then, you know, my daughter here's on the way home, and then she was like, oh, Mom, can I have a caramel apple? I just said, do you think so? Like, do you want that? I think that is what I said, Do you want that? I know you just had your friendship fudge, and she was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's gonna be too much sweet. Like, that's just that. I don't, you're right. I don't want that. She just saw it on the counter, and then she was fine. It was not a power struggle, it was not a big deal. I think that those little illustrations of what we hope to be able to cultivate is just a sense of normalcy around these conversations, where it doesn't feel like I need to wield power and control, or the food has all this power and control, but we can just manage it as a family in a way where everybody can read what's best for themselves in ways that help them feel healthy and comfortable and strong and all those things. So I know that's the goal we're looking for. If parents have more questions on this, because I think Halloween is only the springboard for a lot of this topic, and you know, we're going into even more holidays to come. So please share with listeners some of the resources you offer and how they can get connected to you.

Nicole Cruz  30:42  
Absolutely. Thank you. I think we didn't keep talking about, what to keep doing with it. So my sweets guide, it's called, My Kid Has a Sweet Tooth, actually talks about, not specifically Halloween so much, but just how you want to handle sweets in general. That's really what we want to do with Halloween candy, is we want to give them access to it, but it's okay to just say we're going to have that with the next snack or with the meal. It doesn't have to be they just get access to it all the time. The days coming where they're going to end up filling up on that and not eating some of their other food or that sort of thing. You describe to, you know, they're 10 and 11, so you're going to start engaging in these conversations, helping them make those decisions at that age, whereas with a four-year-old, you're probably just going to say something more, like, we'll have that with snack, you know, that's not on the menu right now, and then you're just going to serve them what is on the menu, and then you're going to give them candy at the next snack, or whatever it might be. We're not able to engage, you know, with a four-year-old around making those decisions. So if you get the Sweets Guide, it will show you kind of how you want to navigate sweets as a whole. That's what we want to do, give them access on the first night to their candy, let them have it, and then in the days coming, it's probably going to be a bit more than maybe what you even think they should have, or a bit more than what you're comfortable with. But we want to lean into it. We want to permit them to have it and still have some structure around it, that it's not free for. So let them have a little bit more than you're probably comfortable with, lean into that, and still have some boundaries around it. So yes, grab the free guide, My Kid Has a Sweet Tooth, that will help give you some of those parameters for moving forward with all of it. You can also follow me on Instagram @NicoleCruzRD. And if you go on Instagram and DM me the word CUPCAKE, you will get the download for the Sweets Guide right there too. So that's another way just to access it.

Danielle Bettmann  32:30  
Okay, two birds in stone. Love it. So I know I've just had you for a short amount of time, but I want to ask you the question I ask every guest that comes on Failing Motherhood. How are you the mom your kids need? 

Nicole Cruz  32:43  
I think that's a big, big question. How am I the mom my kids need? Gosh, it's hard to feel like you're the mom that your kids need. Sometimes I feel like, you know, clearly, Danielle, you understand with the name of your podcast, but it's so hard to like to feel like we're doing things well for ourselves. But I mean, one of the things that I do is I take time for myself every single day, and that's usually in the form of movement. So I go out on a walk for myself, or I do a yoga video by myself, or whatever the thing is. But I do make that space, and I feel like it starts my day well, and I'm committed to it. So that's the biggest thing. I feel like I can get my thoughts out, get the racing out for the day, and be a little bit more present to be with them. 

Danielle Bettmann  33:46  
That's great. Yeah, that's just one little example of how they are lucky to have you, recognizing that, prioritizing that, having that awareness that you are a better parent for that when you do that, and we can all be encouraged by that as well. So thank you so much, Nicole for being here. We so appreciate your expertise and the permission to take this weight off our shoulders that you have given us. We can go into Halloween even more excited to enjoy some candy ourselves. So don't forget to take that parent tax as well. One or two just for you, but thanks again, Nicole. I'll share all those resources in the show notes and make sure to point people your way in the future, but keep up your hard work, and thanks for being here.

Nicole Cruz  34:34  
Awesome. Thank you so much for having me.

Danielle Bettmann  34:39  
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now share it in your Instagram stories, and tag me. If you love the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood daily. If you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong-willed child and invest in the support you need to make it happen, schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you, and I'm cheering you on.